Sam PodgurnyAfter decades of international study and collaboration between nations, experts have determined the word “asshole” to be the best swear of all-time. Dr. Dick Johnson, head researcher of the study, spoke about the decision to elect “asshole” as the swear word above all else.
“We came to that decision after realizing that assholes were the universal constant upon which all theories of comedy derive. One could have an asshole, be an asshole, pretend to be an asshole, fuck an asshole, eat an asshole, etc. The possibilities are quite endless, to say the least!”
Other possible contenders included the popular “motherfucker”, the classic “bastard”, and the once-revolutionary “cockbreath”. Honorable mentions went to “bumblefuck”, “cocksmith”, “dickweed”, “thundercunt”, and “vajayjay”.
“The best thing about it though, is that it’s completely gender-neutral and race-neutral. Everyone’s got an asshole!” said Dr. Johnson. “However, a gangsta’s work is never done, and more research is needed on this motherfucker right quick.”
Agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson’s character from Snakes on a Plane) could not be reached for comment on the demotion of “motherfucker”.
