Wired: Rockstar Thermo Marshmallow

Wired is a segment where our writers review energy drinks (so you don’t have to). 

I’m sure you can relate to the stacking deadlines of midterm season, and if you’re like me, your consumption of energy drinks has probably only gone up since the beginning of the year. 

One day, I was feeling particularly exhausted and decided to buy three Rockstar Thermo Energy Drinks on a really good deal. The most interesting and unfamiliar flavour of the three was marshmallow. I’m used to the flavours of energy drinks, from the nondescript fruit punches, to the ambiguous citrus flavours, to the classic zing of sugary-sweet yellow battery acid. I was therefore excited to try a drink that reminded me of something I have loved since childhood.

I have never really had a sweet tooth, but marshmallows are the exception. Their pillowy-soft texture and meltiness has always been a weakness of mine. I was stoked to experience the synthesis of the life-giving nectar of an energy drink with this nostalgic flavour, however this energy drink is by far one of the worst things I’ve had the displeasure of tasting in my entire life. 

I knew I was in for a bad time the moment I cracked open the can. An unbelievably sweet and overly-marshmallow aroma immediately filled the room. The drink itself was eerily similar to sparkling water, clear and unknown.

But the flavour. Oh, reader, the flavour. It does taste like marshmallows, I’ll give it that, but it’s like you’re eating an entire bag in a single mouthful, far too sweet for even the sweetest of sweet tooths. Just like that, my favourite childhood snack became repulsive to me, and coupled with an extreme carbonation, it was atrocious.

Learn from my mistake and do as I say and not as I have done. This drink robbed me of my childhood. Don’t let it rob you of yours.