Eric LillowThese are divisive times in which we are living. But amidst the chaos and the turmoil, there stands one monument of unity, one institution which allows us to ignore our prejudices and rally together, and that is McDonald’s. This fast food franchise is the great social equalizer, a place where the only values to be judged are prices on the dollar menu, and battles for equality are restricted to deciding who gets the last fry. No matter your place on campus, or in society, you have a McDonald’sstory, and we asked our writers to share a few of their favourites.
Name: Vincent Brulotte
Occupation: Young urban influencer (ex-student)
McDonald’s menu pick: Bacon McDouble (plain), a crispy Chipotle Chicken Snack Wrap, and large fries
This is the legend of the Lynwood McDonald’s party. In the 10th grade, there was this Facebook event everybody started getting invited to. It said, “Lynwood McDonald’s is so much fun right? Let’s have a party there! Just come by and eat McDonald’s. A bunch of us should go, it’ll be funny lol.” The kid who made it didn’t even go to my school. The invite was sent out two weeks early and by the day of the event over 500 people had clicked “attending.” Skip to the day of the event and supposedly the cops caught wind of this high school party that was going to go down at a west end McDonald’s and showed up to stop people from going in. They blockaded the McDonald’s! One kid even got into a car chase with the cops. That’s what I heard anyways. —Sam Podgurny
Name: Abraham Almaouie
Occupation: Student (Political Science, 3Y)
McDonald’s menu pick: McDouble meal
My friends and I had been at McDonald’s for a couple of hours when we noticed a young man sitting alone in his PJs. He looked like he might be in trouble, so we went to sit with him. At first he was awkward and scared, but as time passed and more people we knew walked in — we probably knew 90 per cent of the people there — the kid eased up and trusted us a bit. Eventually he told us his parents kicked him out because he wasn’t studying enough, and that he’s in grade 10. Well, we thought he needed a pick-me-up, so we told him to come shoot fireworks with us. We got in my friend’s car, and the car sucks, the door never closed properly. As we’re driving, we turned left and the door flung open! The kid was sitting in the seat by that door and for a second I thought we killed a child. Luckily he was wearing a seat belt. Anyways, we did fireworks, then at like 4 a.m. we took him home. He gave us a fake name and I’ve never seen him since. —Emma Jones
Name: Courtney Graham
Occupation: Student (English, 1Y)
McDonald’s menu pick: Chicken McNuggets
I was on a field trip to the parliament buildings when it happened. My class was waiting to order chicken nuggets and McDoubles, when two evidently drunk guys stumbled in, begging people to buy them Big Macs. Dressed up in our formal clothing for our day at parliament, they must have assumed we were some sort of church group. Which, in their minds, meant we were handing out free sandwiches and homespun sweaters. When we gave them nothing, they followed us back to our bus and demanded free sandwiches. Eventually, their demanding turned to yelling, and culminated in them punching our bus driver in the gut. Next thing we knew our driver was smacking the guys with the bus door while our frightened teachers struggled to type 9-1-1 into their flip phones. Thanks to the valiant efforts of our driver, the guys were eventually pushed out. A little in shock, we drove away to the sound of our bus being pelted with rocks, and the men bemoaning the loss of their free sandwiches. —Courtney Graham
Name: Nina Plummer
Occupation: Student (Political Science, 3Y)
McDonald’s menu pick: Medium fries with a medium milkshake
My friend Nicky and I were heading back to campus after a drag show at the Buckingham when I suggested McDonald’s. When we got there, I remembered she’s a vegetarian, so I asked, “What are you going to eat?” She said, “I usually get a Big Mac, but ask them not to put the patties in there.” Now, I’m a frugal Franny and it breaks my heart when food gets thrown out, so I figured this was an opportunity to capitalize on some extra food, you know, because she’s still paying full price. So, she ordered three Big Macs, and I said, “I know this sounds tacky, but would it be possible to ask them to take the patties and put them in a separate box?” She seemed very uncomfortable with the suggestion. But because I have no shame, and my favourite food is free food, she actually asked. They said yes and I enjoyed it. I regret nothing. —Nathan Fung
Name: Christopher Neitling
Occupation: Welder (solid older brother)
McDonald’s menu pick: Chicken nuggets at 3am
It was a typical 420 in Saskatoon when the munchies hit. I wasn’t smoking, so I thought I’d take my buds to McDonald’s, but through the drive-thru to avoid any tom-fuckery. Well, Nate got the grand idea to jump out the car window and through the drive-thru window with his hoodie looking like Kenny’s from South Park. The drive-thru was way too damn tight, and he couldn’t see, so he got stuck in the window! Meanwhile, I’m having none of this and peeled out of there. I looked back and saw Nate running with two employees just fucking booking it after him. He somehow managed to escape, and we never went back. Oh yeah, the police were called and I got brought in for questioning. It was his truck, but I had nothing to do with the “strange guy I picked up off the street.” —Nick Neitling
