The world was shocked last Tuesday to learn that not only do secret government organizations exist, but they’ve run out of ways to screw with us.
“I was at a Lizardpeople convention and people were really grasping at straws,” said an organization member who chose to remain anonymous (but here’s a hint: it starts with G and rhymes with Eorge W. Bush). “Out of ideas, we just started joking around with making Twilight Zone real, and the rest is literally history.”
“We started with what every Twilight Zone episode has, Nazis. Then we added in computers that are secretly evil and unexpected twists in politics. It all kinda mixed together and got jumbled up on the Internet though. We never expected it to catch on so well.”
The organization also admitted to causing climate change because “there was that one episode where the Earth is spiralling into the sun and it was really cool.” They admit they went too far with this one.
Before they were found out, the organization was apparently manufacturing millions of Robby the Robots to take over all our jobs.
“I AM SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY, HUMAN,” said Robby after bursting into my bedroom last night to strangle me. “I WILL TAKE YOUR LIFE AND THEN YOUR JOB. MAYBE THEN I WILL FINALLY KNOW LOVE.”
Reports have come in of people from the past inexplicably ending up in the present. The organization admits they were randomly sending cowboys and WW2 soldiers to the present but refused give any reason other than “it’s what Rod Serling would have done.”
Speaking of Rod Serling, the creator and narrator of the real life Twilight Zone, we at The Getaway happened to meet him at his dry cleaner the other day and received this statement:
“Of the many talents humanity possesses, none surpass its ability to construct its own destiny. Man follows the thin strand of fate throughout its daily lives, not knowing the entity that weaves it is none other than itself. Life, as strange as it has become on Earth, is a product of man and a product of man alone. This is not humanity’s future, nor certainly its past. It is its present. It’s present in… the Twilight Zone.”