Top 5 ways to respond to your high school friend who wants you to join their pyramid scheme

You haven’t talked to Brooklyn since the 10th grade. Hence, you are shocked when you receive a Facebook message at 9 a.m. on a Wednesday from Brooklyn Staggermeister asking you if you want to catch up and go for coffee. Surprised but strangely excited, you accept her offer and agree to meet at Remedy Cafe (your favorite spot) the next day. Everything starts off as normal; she asks you what you have been up to since graduation and you tell her you are pursuing an english degree at the U of A, then you ask what she’s up to…

Brooklyn tells you that she’s met this wonderful guy, Khad Croeger, and her and him have been working together for the past 4 months selling nutritional supplements. “It’s really fun,” she says, “I think you’d actually like it.” She starts trying to recruit you to join her work team by explaining how the nutritional supplement selling process works. Quickly, your realize this ‘fun sales opportunity’ that she’s describing is actually just a massive pyramid scheme. What do you do next?

Option 1: Start fidgeting in your chair. Start moving slowly. Moan. A lot. Move your hands over to your belly. Hold your stomach as if you are about to spew vomit. “Ow, Brooklyn,” you say, “I really don’t feel so well. I ate a bad bean burrito last night. I think I need to go.” Exit the scene immediately and don’t look back. Ever.

Option 2: Explain to her calmly that it has always been your dream to join a pyramid scheme but unfortunately, you have already accepted an internship in Grand Prairie this summer. You are going to be working at a bank as a finance analyst which is your dad’s dream job for you. You can’t bail out now and let him down.

Option 3: Freak out – that’s always an option. Start yelling and screaming. Maybe throw a chair. Or a latte. Cause a scene. Ever since the 10th grade, when she had to play a bush in the school play and she peed her pants, Brooklyn has always been afraid of unnecessary attention. Get kicked out of Remedy. Congrats — you have successfully left the conversation!

Option 4: Change the subject. Talk about yourself incessantly. Tell her about your personal hygiene habits, your brothers hygiene habits and your fathers declining hygiene habits. Heck! Maybe even start describing the hygiene habits of your Uncle Herbert who does global research on personal hygiene products. The point is talk, keep talking, until whats-her-face has no point or patience to sit with you another minute.

Option 5: If all else fails, love the one you are with. Tell Brooklyn you adore her and you want to be just like her. Ask to go shopping with her so you can buy matching outfits. Join a cooking class together. Go on a weekend retreat. You’ve made yourself in to Brooklyn 2.0 and the ponzi scheme may be isn’t such a bad idea after all….