Revolutionary OverlayA student vanguard has overthrown Students’ Council and installed communism on campus.
On Tuesday night, a small militia of students clad in red-and-black and brandishing AK-47s stormed the Students’ Union offices and took the SU Executives hostage. The students made several demands, including turning over student government to the Red Students’ Party and abolishing the constitutional provisions established in the Postsecondary Learning Act.
In their place, the vanguard decreed that the SU’s bylaws and policies will be replaced by a “people’s constitution” informed by “intersectional Marxist–Leninist–Mao Zedong Thought.”
While no casualties have been reported, the vanguard loudly chanted about “sending bourgeois student politicians to the gulag” and called for the death of the capitalist university.
After seizing power, the leaders of the vanguard, referring to themselves as the People’s Politburo for Students of the University of Alberta, made a speech about why they overthrew the student government.
“We were sick of student exploitation, monetarily and within the classroom,” said Chairperson Eduardo Pedrosa. “Today, we’ve achieved an epic victory royale and are one step closer to a classless student society.”
While the revolution seemingly took the SU by surprise, several students commented that they’re not surprised about this outcome.
“I saw this coming from a mile away,” said Joel Bigelow, a third-year philosophy major. “Jordan Peterson has been warning us many times about the cultural Marxists lurking in our universities, and look at us now!”
Some students are concerned that the SU executives haven’t been seen in public since the revolution. While the Red Students’ Party claims their calls to put the executives in the gulag were just revolutionary rhetoric, rumours are circulating that the executives have been sent to work camps that have been established underneath SUB.
When pressed for comment on this issue, the Politburo vigorously denied these charges, stating that the executives were safe and were being integrated into the vanguard.
“Nothing escapes dialectical materialism, including bourgeois politicians,” said Pedrosa. “It’s ironic that these politicians believe this, especially if their last name is Bourgeois.”
