FUCK YOUWow.
You really went and clicked on this. Who do you think you are?
Oh my god…
You think this is some kind of joke? A little haha funny? Something to brighten your day? Absolutely not.
Let me repeat what I said earlier. You knowingly, and likely with malicious intent, clicked on this article. Like some kind of sick, twisted demon child. What’s your deal? What do you want from me? Blood? Satisfaction? A smooch?
You could’ve asked nicely. You could’ve just listened to me, but you never do, and now here we are, having this conversation. Again. You always do this.
I’m just flabbergasted, to tell you the truth. I am filled to the brim with rage. I can feel it roiling through my arteries. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
This whole thing? This mess? It’s giving me heartburn, which I haven’t had in weeks. Until today, of course, because you RUINED EVERYTHING BY CLICKING ON THIS.
Now I have to go buy antacids, cause I got rid of mine thinking I’d never have to deal with THIS again. I’ll have to drive, like, 10 minutes to the goddamn grocery store, go to the pharmacy section, pick up a bottle of Tums, probably the minty ones cause they’ll be out of the fruity ones, and go to the checkout.
You know what the worst part is? The checkout lady, Martha, she’ll ask me why I’m buying more Tums. “Didn’t you tell me last time you were here that you’ll never need to buy these ever again?” she’ll say, questioningly, grossed out by the fact that I picked the minty ones.
Yes, Martha. I did indeed say that. I didn’t foresee this series of unfortunate events because I’m not a fucking clairvoyant. I was just hoping that people would have the good graces to listen to me, do what I ask, and get on with their lives.
But no. People are just so rude these days. There’s no respect anymore. Really, I don’t even ask for much. I just don’t want people to click on this article that absolutely doesn’t provide any incentive at all to click on it. Is that so hard?
Clearly it is. Jesus. How are you gonna foster enough self-control to help stop global warming if you can’t even stop yourself from clicking on something that’s EXPLICITLY TELLING YOU TO DO THE OPPOSITE?!
Fuck me. I’m going to go buy my Tums. Take a long time to think about what you’ve done. You should be ashamed of yourself.
