Since human beings first set foot in downtown Edmonton, they’ve asked themselves one simple question: if I had to choose out of Edmonton’s historically important Hendays, which would I fuck, marry, and kill. Thanks to the new Hyperspace Ultra XXX Computing AI bank at the U of A, we finally have the answer we’ve all been waiting for. Fuck, Marry, Kill: Henday Tower, Anthony Henday Road, Henday the Exploring White Dude.

Fuck: Henday Tower

Let’s face it: Henday Tower would never make a good long term relationship. It’s always so transient, always changing, and that’s just not something you would want in your life anyways. Probably the best choice to fuck, as nothing makes love quite like a cold concrete building.

Marry: Anthony Henday Road

No matter what direction you go in life, you’ll always see Henday Road. It’s there. Dependable. Safe. Comforting. Shaped like a ring. Though it might be rough around the edges, the Anthony Henday would probably prove to be someone you can count on; no matter what time of day, the Henday will be there, the same road as ever.

Kill: Henday the Exploring White Dude

Fuck you, colonial exploring man Henday. Fuckin colonialism lookin ass bitch boy with smallpox probably. Fuck off, you scum. No explorers in this house. I would bury Henday in an unmarked grave. I would bring Henday to the future and drop him out of a plane. I’d beat the ever living snot out of Anthony “Oh look at me I’m exploring I’m the first person to see this ever :))” Henday. Fuck you, explorer man.