Burlap Sack: I ALSO hate myself

Look above. See the name of the writer who wrote this article? That person, Sam Beetham, is the very definition of the wannabe hipster trash Arts Major that we all kind of hate.

Sam is a cisgendered white English Major, so that means he’s probably one of the most boring people you can meet. Additionally, he writes for The Gateway. *shudder*

Even with just one glance, his appearance tells you everything. His liberal ideologies conflict with the unethical yet cheap H&M clothes he wears on a daily basis. Additionally, I’m pretty sure the only shirts he owns are band tees. We get it man, you follow Pitchfork! He covers his terrible hair with equally bad hats. It almost seems like he wants to look like he’s 40 already.

Sam would like you to think he’s chill but in reality he’s so awkward that it can make you feel weird just by being near him. Have you ever seen him look you in the eyes? Yeah, me neither.  If you talk to him, he’ll probably just look at the floor and try to bring up Animal Collective or some other shit band.

Also, Sam killed a bee last summer. Like what the fuck man?

You know what is the very worst part about Sam? As he writes this, I just know he’s got a smug smile on his lips, thinking he’s so clever for making fun of his own self-loathing.

Related Articles

Back to top button