Throwback: “Rest in peace, telephone registration”

In this throwback article from the February 13, 2003 issue of The Gateway, Opinion Writer Jered Stuffco bemoans the loss of the U of A’s old telephone registration system, where students had to dial their way through course selections. If we can take anything from this, it’s that students who attended the university over a decade ago feel about the same way that we do when it comes to Bear Tracks.

Rest in Peace, telephone registration

I remember the announcement, “university to establish online registration system.” I welcomed the news with a joy normally reserved for the arrival of a new family member or a new Guns ‘n’ Roses record.

“Finally,” I thought, “the U of A is pulling its proverbial head out of its proverbial ass!” I thought the establishment of Bear Tracks would usher in a new age of technological efficiency, reliability and convenience. I had visions of our University, bathed in white light, taking its rightful place among the world’s great centres of learning

Then I tried to pick my classes.

Never have I “surfed” a site so hard to navigate, so poorly designed or so unresponsive. Prince Henry the Navigator couldn’t find his way around this hulking piece of information superhighway road kill. You’d think the U of A, whose Computing Science department was created waaaay back in 1965 and wose engineering program is nationally renowned for the quality of its graduates and research would be able to muster something a little better than this. Even the Edmonton Public Transit System, infamous for its inefficiency and incompetence, has a better website than the Bear Tracks system.

And the name: Bear Tracks. Bear Tracks? Who came up with that one? More like Bear Craps… or Shit Tracks… or Shit Shits… Do bears shit on the Internet? They do now.

Honestly, over the Christmas break, I spent at least two hours trying to change one class via Bear Tracks, and if I’m going to spend two hours online, I assure you my intention is not picking classes. As a show of protest, I picked my classes via the old-school, touch-tone rocking, telephone registration system and was amazed at the speed this was accomplished at. Sure, it was archaic and old-fashioned, but at least it got the job done.

Then, last week I heard the news that the old telephone registration system was being completely jettisoned in favour of Bear Tracks.

My first response was disbelief. How could they do this to us? How could I have let this happen? As disbelief became anger and anger gave way to frustration and rage, I felt a stirring in my bosom. A sense of great sadness began to rise up within my heart.

In desperation, I called 492-4000 to see if it was really true. Sure enough, the system was gone. I cried out to the heavens, “Rod, why have you forsaken me?”

Truly, to use a cliché, you don’t know what you’ve got it until it’s gone. Accordingly, I’d like to take this opportunity to bid farewell to the once proud Telephone Registration System:

I’m gonna miss you, Telephone Registration System… Sure, we had our ups and our downs. It’s funny y’know, I never thought I’d be lamenting your departure at all. God knows I used to spend hours cursing at you at the top of my lungs, pressing the “#” key until my fingers bled, only to have you respond calmly with:

“I’M… SORRY… WE… DIDN’T… CATCH… THAT… PLEASE… ENTER… THE… TERM… FOR WHICH YOU… WISH TO… REGISTER.”

Yes, I know I used to hang up on you without choosing the “list” function, and sometimes I’d even hang up without even exiting the system! But I always called you back and you never denied me… (unless, of course, it was after 9pm on Monday through Friday or after 5pm on weekends).

I’ll miss those afternoons we spent together, just the two of us… I’ll miss your strong, sweet voice mouthing the words, “WELCOME TO THE… UNIVERSITY OF ALBERTA… STUDENT REGISTRATION SYSTEM.”

Good night, sweet prince.