Aries: Stop being afraid that all your friends secretly find you annoying. It’s probably only the majority of them. Isn’t that comforting?
Taurus: Being afraid of new things is boring. You can’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it!
Gemini: Fearing deadlines but still procrastinating does not make sense. Get your shit together.
Cancer: The only thing you fear is not meeting your daily tear quota. Please stop crying, it is exhausting.
Leo: Your relentlessly gripping fear of not being the constant center of attention? That’s what we call being a Leo.
Virgo: The fear of oversharing is a healthy fear!
Libra: You are a bad bitch! Literally nothing could have you in distress.
Scorpio: You, like everybody else, fears the day Blue Ivy’s talent surpasses Beyoncé’s.
Sagittarius: Fear can sometimes be a good indication that something isn’t the best choice for you. Honour your gut feeling, but don’t let it rule you.
Capricorn: Yes, the phobia of Week of Welcome volunteers is real. Yes, we all feel the same way.
Aquarius: Get over yourself! Go to the karaoke bar and sing your terrible rendition of “My Heart Will Go On.” You are going to kill it!
Pisces: Your incessant need to always be in control is why nobody wants to work with you on group projects. Learn to relax and ride the wave more often.