September Horoscopes

Capricorn 

You cannot rationalize something irrational.

Cancer 

Make sure you bring a pen to class. Your friends are tired of helping a capable adult.

Aries

Reading your STAT 151 syllabus now will provide insight for when you fail the midterm.

Taurus

Ignore the haters — that hat looks great.

Gemini

Despite popular belief, open-toed sandals aren’t appropriate for all occasions.

Leo 

Stop trying to pull doors clearly marked push.

Aquarius 

Don’t listen to your parents, class at 8 a.m. is a terrible idea.

Sagittarius

If you don’t start planning your reading week vacation right now, it probably won’t happen.

Pisces

Wearing a watch will give you great style and the punctuality to succeed this fall semester.

Libra

Remember to thank your bus driver every time. No exceptions.

Scorpio 

Children will annoy you this week, but you’ll take it in stride.

Virgo

Your attractive TA wants a good USRI rating, not your attention. Understanding the difference is important.