Top 5: Ways to Tell Your Parents About Your New Tattoo

You ballsy bitch, you finally did it. The pressure bandage is on, and now the scary part starts. Don’t let your fright overpower your badassery; you’ve got sick new ink, and I’ve got the perfect way to break that news to your parents.

1. Just don’t/The Disappearing Tattoo

Six months from now when your dad finally notices that little arrow on your forearm, you just act like you have no idea what he’s referring to. He may point right to it, but you’re blind. “What are you talking about? I think you may be going mad in your old age, Pops.” Don’t give up. It’s not enough to tell this lie — live it! You’re not a quitter; you’re Heath Ledger.

2. Say it’s for them

“Every time I look at this tattoo, I remember the times I was shot down and Mom was there to pick me back up.” You’re so far away from home at university; you just HAD to have a piece of them with you. This only has to be convincing enough to keep the anger at bay until they catch wind of something stupider (i.e., they find the transcript from last semester with an F8 on it, or your small bag of tightly-rolled jazz herbs) and the tattoo is old news.

3. “It’s for school!”

Instant win. As soon as you tie it into your education, it cannot be disputed. Congratulations, by the way, on joining the biomedical research team for their recent research on tattoo removal! My condolences on the fact that your team is not the brightest and the project was unsuccessful. Cheers to your scholarly efforts!

4. Let the ‘rents be right*

Just outright tell them what you did and then repent repent repent! “It was irresponsible, and I wish I has listened to you.” The tattoo is already on your body, so you win no matter what. Give them some credit, and they’ll relax knowing how honestly sorry you are.

   *Not to be used if you already have a tattoo or plan on getting another.

5. Be honest?

This tactic is most useful for a third or fourth tattoo. At this point, they’ve given up on arguing with you since it is evident that you’re not going to stop. Maybe offer to get matching father-daughter tats for the next one; at the very least he’ll be too caught off-guard to concentrate on his disapproval. Who knows, maybe he’s up for it? (If he is then you damn well better go for gold and request that he pays too).