CityOpinion

Burlap Sack: Edmonton’s drunk food

Why does our city lack variety beyond donairs?

After an extensive night of clubbing, there is nothing more I want in the world than drunk food. The greasy, quintessential pick-me-up is something that should accompany any successful night out.

Edmonton, it’s time we face facts: our city’s choices of drunk food are dreadful.

For too long, drunken Edmontonians who find themselves longing for a savoury snack after 2 a.m. have faced disappointment. In most other cities, a variety of small businesses and vendors provide much needed sustenance to the intoxicated masses. Yet, in Edmonton, there are sadly a sparse amount of businesses that provide this honorable service.

Because of some unknowable reason, Edmonton’s unofficial drunk food has long been the donair, with Mike’s Famous selling the most iconic ones in the city. For those unfamiliar with Edmonton’s drunk food, this might sound great. However, after multiple nights of devouring donairs before heading home, I can tell you it gets old quickly. Unfortunately, here is where we run into Edmonton’s problem — our drunk food has no variety beyond this Canadian delicacy. 

Because of this, we fall into the tedious pattern that many of us know too well: go to Whyte Ave, drink, dance, go to Mike’s Famous, get a donair, go home. Let’s be real, donairs aren’t even good enough to justify this pattern and Edmontonians deserve better. 

Some people will quickly respond that, if you want drunk food other than donairs, you can always go to McDonald’s or order through Uber Eats. These fools don’t actually understand drunk food. 

This food is more than the generic garbage that fast food companies offer; true drunk food is an experience. It’s drunkenly wandering into a local place with your friends, sitting at a booth, and laughing so loud over food that the owner might kick you out. Sadly, there are very few places that offer this, although a few places (like Steel Wheels) give me hope.

Overall, the state of our drunk food is not only disappointing, it’s unbecoming of our city. If we don’t revolutionize our drunk food, we’ll be left with two choices: having the crap that McDonald’s sells become “drunk food” or become content with the sadden state of drunk food in Edmonton. Take your pick.

Mitchell Pawluk

Mitchell Pawluk is the 2020-21 Opinion Editor at The Gateway. He's a fourth-year student majoring in political science and minoring in philosophy. When not writing, he enjoys reading political theory, obsessing over pop culture, and trying something new!

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