Premier revealed to be three oil and gas CEOs in a trench coat

Chaos erupted in the Legislature this morning as Premier Kason Jenney tripped on the way to his seat. Out of his suspiciously long and bulbous trench coat that has been the subject of rumours for months came tumbling three oil and gas CEOs, who appear to have been masquerading as a politician this entire time.

On what was supposed to be a regular morning of cutting regulations and authorizing new grants to the oil industry, opposition leader Rachelle Nutley stuck her leg out as Jenney walked past, tripping him. As he fell to the ground, three nefarious looking men each sporting a three-piece suit and a monocle came tumbling out. Some of the Opposition apprehended them while the rest got into a brawl with the UCP trying to drag them away to their side. Eventually, the Opposition won out, and forced the men to tell their story.

“Usually we just pay politicians to do what we want,” said the man who identified himself as Jenney’s top third, “but we thought it would be fun to see if we could get elected ourselves. But they wouldn’t let us into the race, so we decided to just all pretend to be one person.” 

“We really didn’t expect to get this far,” said Jenney’s middle third, “but once we made it to being party leader, we decided to just run with it.”

Jenney’s lower third gave no comment beyond, “My arms hurt.”

All three men were later revealed to be the CEOs of large oil and gas companies currently operating in the oil sands. 

What this means for the future of Alberta’s government, nobody is quite sure. An investigation is being formed to determine how exactly this happened, which is currently on hold as all the officials who conduct investigations into the government have been fired.