City councillor demands LRT lines be replaced by bumper cars

“A bumper car probably costs like, what, fifty bucks or so to make?” So said Jimothy Catsmell, the city councillor responsible for numerous campaigns to rid Edmonton of what he calls “those damn choo-choo trains.” According to Catsmell, Edmonton’s planned LRT expansion is completely unnecessary. Instead, the city councillor has proposed single-lane bumper cars as an alternative solution.

“I say we pull up all the track and use it as fencing. Stick a roof or something on there to give power to the lil’ buggers and let people bump their way to work!” he said at a council meeting.

The councillor went on to describe, at length, the colours and designs he was planning for the cars. Neither the costs of this project nor a timeline for construction were discussed during the three-hour interview our staff reporter held with Catsmell. 

This is not the first time Catsmell has proposed an alternative to the LRT lines of Edmonton. Teleportation and “those tubes from the Jetsons” spring to mind as some of the councillor’s more ambitious ideas (anything resembling a trebuchet has been out of the question since the massacre that occurred in ‘13). The idea of canals in particular, which would be dug and filled with water where LRT track is laying now, was of great focus of Catsmell. When asked why he had such a vehement interest in these canals, the councillor stated he wanted Edmonton to be “the next Italy.” 

Between rants about the inherent evils of the LRT, our staff reporter was able to ask why the councillor didn’t simply campaign to replace the roads with bumper car lanes and leave the LRT alone. As the councillor put it, “this is Edmonton, I really don’t think there’d be any difference.”