With two students in attendance, GovWeek is a “smashing success”

A recent report from the Students’ Union proves that student governance is relevant to all. Written by Students’ Union vice-president (academic) Thane Thot, the report tracks the progress of GovWeek 2017, the U of A’s premiere pseudo-professional circle jerk.

“Our growth was exponential,” he said. “You see, the amount of students in attendance DOUBLED from the opening keynote to our obscure session in SUB 0-51 the next day. With minimal advertising and inaccurate time-tables in the brochures, it’s a miracle!”

Toenail Punch, the single student in attendance at said opening keynote, agreed with Thot’s assessment.

“I rolled up and a few minutes late, worried that I would miss it, but it was all good,” he said. “I brought a friend to an event the next day, so I think we pretty much made GovWeek. I was in class when the mayor came, though. That sure blew.”

GovWeek founder and current SU president Peanut Lannister was pleased with the report’s findings.

“The fact is, GovWeek is fucking entrenched in the GovZeitgeist now,” she said. “There’s no way you can stop the GovDamn GovTrain. We’ve made it. Long live GovWeek, y’all.”