10. Patrick Maroon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuSf67JF6nc&t=1s

If (and when) the Oilers make the playoffs this season, it’ll be thanks to the underdog efforts of Pat “The Big Rig” Maroon. Stepping in to the skates Milan Lucic was supposed to fill, #19 has bruised his way onto not only the Oil’s top line, but also into a three-way tie to be the team’s top goal scorer (he’s at 24 at the time of writing). After watching him net another two against the Boston Bruins Thursday night (and pick a fight), I could only smile knowing he was doing it all at a third of the cost of Lucic.

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9. Patching things up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K37G2j0K8BA

When your life begins to tear apart at the seams, just remember, you can always stitch a flimsy piece of mismatched fabric over it to keep it from completely unraveling. Whether you’re slapping more denim over the crotch of a nine-year-old pair of Levis you refuse to let die, slathering paste across a ragged hole in your basement’s drywall, or piecing together a friendship broken apart by one too many green beers, one can never overvalue a good patch job. If that doesn’t convince you, just consider the downsides to not patching something. For example, maybe your Wordpress website suddenly becomes vulnerable to legions of hackers when a security patch isn’t installed on time…

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8. The Patriot (2000)

Speaking of patching things up, how about Hollywood deciding to move past Mel Gibson’s rampant alcoholism and antisemitism? Good stuff. Anyways, I remember in high school social studies watching The Patriot — you know that Civil War (lol this is what happens when you watch The Patriot during social studies) American Revolution movie starring The Joker that was directed by the guy who made this… and this… and this. If I had to choose, I think the most educational part was when that person’s head got blown off by a cannonball.

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7. The Patriarchy

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6. Getting over Patrick Dempsey

After last night’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy — where dreamboat Jackson goes to Montana to find his deadbeat dad (played by ERIC FUCKING ROBERTS), turns a girl’s intestine into a new throat, and messily steamily hooks back up with April — the sneak peak of next week showed Meredith finally setting up a date with a hot new doctor Nathan. Move aside McDreamy, we’re so over you.

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5. Remember when Pat Quinn was the head coach of the Oilers, but only for the 2009-10 season?

Ya, I do. And Tom Renney was his associate coach. RIP Pat.

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4. Patrick Starfish thicc memes

👀 👀 👀 👀 👅 👅 👅 👅 🍑 🍑 🍑 🍑 🍑 🍑 🍑

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3. Wendy’s fresh, never-frozen, square beef patties

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26DbCN0hO4k

brb omw to Wendy’s to get one of their tasty burgers.

…mmm

so.good.so.fresh.so geometric.

Best fast food restaurant. period.

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 2. Patrick from my B LAW class

Thanks for sending me your notes whenever I miss class. I gotchu next time.

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1. Patting a dog on the head for being a good boy

Pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet … who’s a good boy?