Sam PodgurnyIf you’re apathetic about student politics (like me), but are still voting (also like me), you sure as hell still won’t be wasting procrastination study time browsing the SU’s Information for Voters webpage. (I’m not even going to hyperlink it for you. That’s how much I know you don’t give a fuck.)
Fortunately for you, your DFU contribution is being used for something more than paying me to call candidates pick-up artists and complement a hamster’s design skills. Because on Sunday night, here I am, reading that boring webpage so I can tell you all the top 5 things you NEED TO KNOW before voting in the SU Election.
Note: Voting takes place on Wednesday and Thursday, March 8 & 9th
5. Voting is surprisingly convenient
This might come as a shock but all SU Election voting can be done ONLINE. Ooooh. Ahhhh.
While this may seem like a no-brainer, I wouldn’t put it past either the totally competent SU or totally competent U of A to make students’ lives harder than they have to be when casting their ballots, and have done something less convenient. (That being said voting is ONLY available online, so clearly the U of A doesn’t give a damn about its massive luddite population… but I digress.)
All you need to do to begin exercising your (sort of) democratic right, is visit www.su.ualberta.ca/vote on March 8 or 9th, click the link that says “Vote Online” and enter your good ol’ CCID, password, and student ID number.
I know most of you out there can log into BearTracks in under five seconds — I’ve lost out Watch List classes faster than that — and I know most of you are smart enough to pass your classes, so I extra know that if you put your mind to it, you can log in and cast a few votes.
4. If you’re in at least one course, you’re an eligible voter
Some of you out there probably have made the internal excuse: “I can’t vote, I’m only a part time student!”
Well partner, if that’s you, you’ve been lying to yourself all along, because if you are registered in at least one, I repeat ONE, course at the U of A you can vote (probably… see below).
Some stipulations: 1) You must be an undergraduate student at the U of A; 2) You must be paid up on your SU fees; 3) Your course has to be for credit — sorry to the one dude reading this who’s taking Mountains 101 for fun while holed up in his hunting cabin.
3. Wait? I can vote for more than one person per position?
If you were sitting around all last week in distress because you thought you had to choose between casting your presidential vote for either Marina, Bashir, OR Donut the Cat, rest assured because you can vote for all of them!
Kinda. For each category you have the choice to rank the candidates in order of your preference, voting for all, one, none, or any combination of the candidates you’d like. You’ve got options babe.
If you want to vote for Donut as your first choice, followed by Bashir, and then Marina, feel free. You simply mark a “1” next to Donut, a “2” next to Bashir, and a “3” next to Marina. Alternatively, if you only want to place a vote for Marina go ahead, just put a “1” next to her and leave the others’ blank. If you want to vote for nobody, there’s a handy “None of the Above” candidate option that you can mark as your sole 1st choice, thus abstaining votes for the other candidates. (All races have a None of the Above candidate to choose from).
The point of all this ranking is to deal with ties. If the number of first ranked votes turn out to be inconclusive for a candidate to win, the counters look next to how many second ranked votes they got, and so on until they can decide on a winner.
Capiche?
2. The cat and hamster can’t actually win
Even though they probably would represent their respective offices much more cutely than their human rivals, Banana the Hamster and Donut the Cat cannot win come election night. (SAD!)
If you thought these troll candidates were allowed to compete freely in the race for student governance, you’ve been played for fools! FOOLS! As crushing a realization as this may be, these candidates registered as “joke candidates” knowing they would be nothing more than good buzz and PR for an otherwise dismally boring affair of student politics and pandering.
That being said, on election day you CAN (and maybe should) assign votes to these candidates — maybe even your first place ones if you want to make a point — but in the end they will be seen as empty seats, and second and third ranked votes will be counted instead.
To be clear: let’s say in the VP-Academic race between Shane Scott and Banana the Hamster, if every single student voted for Banana and even one single student voted for Shane (even as their 2nd place pick), Shane would win with a tally of “1-ENTIRE STUDENT POPULATION.” If Shane forgot to vote for himself making the tally “0-ENTIRE STUDENT POPULATION,” then no one would win.
The only way a non-joke candidate doesn’t win an election is if “None of the Above” wins. This is followed promptly by the sky falling, and followed after that by a re-election.
1. Don’t let Sam Sleiman vote for you
Remember that time Sam Sleiman got disqualified from the SU Election for tampering with ballots? If you’re a first year student, probably not. So let me fill you in.
Sam Sleiman, a candidate for the VP-OpsFi position in 2015, was disqualified from contention in elections for “tampering with ballots, voting procedures, or counting procedures.” It was found out that he had compromised students’ ballots by voting on their behalf. That’s a no-no.
My final piece of advice to you all for voting time, is know your rights as a voter. Your voice is your voice. Even if you might not think this whole dog and pony (or cat and hamster) show is important, playing by the rules still is. So should a candidate or an affiliate of a candidate make you uncomfortable on election day, let someone know (preferably The Gateway so we can have a sweet and controversial story).
If you ask me though, given the staleness of this election cycle, we could use some actual election day drama.
So well said!