Cameron LewisAries (March 21 – April 19)
Don’t quit your day job otherwise you can’t afford a costume. Twenty miles south you can find the treats! Be wary of your own treasures, (we have your box full of stuff). Bring back your key, please.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You can’t run, you can’t hide, from Little Richard. Keep your skirts up around your nickers and you best not be lollygagging on the avenue. If Halloween doesn’t work out this year try Greece or Mongolia.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
My brother’s a Gemini but he’s an ASS.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
MooGa. Et arcid que cume od et lab iur, sam aliquo evelecus eosam laturiandi beriatemped que et odior sa num ape volestistio. Ulparciet ape ped que denis sunt aut ate vendantur MoOGa. Id quis dolestiatus eum quam, venimi,
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Don’t go to the mall in winter. There’s bombs cause they did a bomb threat. That other one is Latin.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
I caCAOn’t and print 6,000 copies. NO
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Congratulations on your aneurysm recedeing. Make sure you keep the Mastercard reciepts. Watch for sunflares up your butthole Lil’ Bitch!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Eating ass is like living in Edmonton, it’s not great but you’re already there! 🙂
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Coraline was so scary, it was about a girl, this girl crawled into a hole and on the other side she became claymation. How can you have a mother if you’re made of clay?
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Tomorrow you’ll take naked pics but that’s ok, we’ve all been there. You can’t call me a cannibal.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
If I were smart I would sit on this for a week and then decide if I should send it, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t so there you go. I hope I don’t fuck up press day for you, but hey — you fucked up my birthday.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Worst case scenario you can go live in the river valley and periodically ask your parents for money until they die, then hey, you’ll inheret the rest so it’ll be okay..
