Alex PattersonIt’s morning. You open one eye slowly, then the other. You’re still sleepy and disoriented. You instinctively and habitually reach for your phone and check Facebook. There’s only three birthdays today — only three obligatory, halfhearted “happy birthday” posts to write.
We all have hundreds of Facebook friends. Some of them may even be close friends, family members, co-workers and people you actually know or have met in person at least once. So when is it appropriate to boycott writing the obligatory and consequently disingenuous “happy birthday” post?
If you find yourself asking “Shit, should I wish my group partner from my English 121 class a happy birthday?” here are some general guidelines of how to navigate the grey area of Facebook birthdays:
The first thing you need to ask yourself is “Do you actually talk to said person (on a regular basis)?” If you answered no, then avoid their Facebook wall, keep scrolling through your newsfeed and move on with your day.
If you answered yes, consider the frequency of your conversations (your last year’s “happy birthday” post on their wall doesn’t count) and also try to recall the last time you’ve seen them. If it’s been more than two years for either one of these, don’t bother with the disingenuous birthday wishes.
New friends, acquaintances or co-workers should qualify for a “happy birthday” post. Maybe you don’t know them well yet, but you see them frequently and you want to get to know them better. So don’t snub them on their birthdays.
Family members and best friends are a given. Not only should you post on their Facebook wall, you better be the first one to post at midnight, you should write more than a few sentences, maybe share a story or two, use a hashtag, a few emoticons and always include a picture or photo collage. Make it as in-your-face as possible to let everyone else know “Hey, it’s my best friend’s birthday and I’m going all out.”
But there’s another social norm that has developed out of this strange practice. If the person is a good friend, family member, or close coworker, society tells us to post on their Facebook wall, send them a text message and maybe toss them a quick “happy birthday” phone call for good measure. Yes, you’ve found yourself caught in the happy birthday quicksand and it looks like the more you try to fight it, the more you get sucked in.
Realistically, this world of obligatory “happy birthday” wishes was forged by Facebook itself. Text messages and phone calls are private, genuine ways of telling the other person that you’re thinking about them on their birthday. But social media thrives on its “social” capacity — the capacity for others to see what their friends are doing on the internet. Remember Blake from junior high? The stoner no one liked and no one saw because he was always skipping class to get high in the parking lot? Well, Facebook tells you that when Blake’s birthday rolls around, you’re obligated to write an insincere birthday post on his wall because you’ve just seen Melanie’s “Happy birthday Blake!” post and you know she lives in a different city now, hasn’t seen him since junior high and never associated with him in grades seven, eight and nine. So, you toss him a “happy birthday” and pretend you actually care.
Yes, Facebook serves as a reminder for when your friends’ birthdays are, but it shouldn’t serve as an external peer pressuring system that encourages you to be disingenuous for the sake of your social media presence. So take these guidelines if you want to abide by acceptable “happy birthday” post standards, but don’t feel the need to pass along your birthday wishes over Facebook at all.
