Cultivating Motherhood

Most afternoons, you can find Carolyn Howe tending to the campus garden with a baby strapped on her back and two toddlers running around her legs. Often sporting a stylish gardening hat and some Birkenstocks, Howe will greet you with a warm smile and bid you farewell with a tight bear-hug.

As we chatted in the garden by an old toilet filled with flowers, Howe told me about how, during her third year of university in 2015, she gave birth to fraternal twins Noah and Lena at 21 and had to put her vocal performance degree on hold. Three years later, she welcomed her second daughter Elaine. Now returning to the University of Alberta at 24, she is hoping to finish the final year of her degree.

Starting her undergrad at Campus Saint-Jean, Howe hoped to join the design program in her second year. After being rejected, she decided to rekindle her passion for music and auditioned for Augustana’s music program.

This change of plans also set Howe on the path to pursue her passions for sustainability, politics, and environmental rights. After spending two years at Augustana, she joined the global development program to study music while staying conscious to international and local issues.

Howe’s love of nature and sustainability dates back to annual summer trips to the Lac la Biche farm her mother grew up on. Working under the sun, Howe noticed a sense of community and happiness resonating throughout the farm. Taking on the role of campus garden assistant, she now tends to a small garden in East Campus Village where she feels that same sense of community starting to bloom.

“Sustainability, building community, and learning to think outside the traditional ways we pursue agriculture is really important and it takes all of us — all different backgrounds and opinions — to move forward in gardening,” Howe said.

Quick to rescue a spider from my arm and find it a new home amongst the trees, it’s easy to see the nurturing relationship Howe has with nature. Playing between the rows of vegetables and exclaiming at the beauty of flowers, her children make it look as if her green thumb is genetic. Being with her children and reconnecting with nature as a family is Howe’s definition of downtime.

From a young age, Howe knew she wanted to start her family early. Motherhood, however, took a few unexpected turns. During her first pregnancy, her twins were born three months premature via an emergency C-section. As Lena and Noah fought for their lives in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, Howe almost lost her daughter. The IV supplying Lena with crucial fluids had broken, failing to provide her with any nutrients or medicine for over eight hours.

“They told us there was a very slim chance of her surviving,” she said. “I remember something strong came in me and I told them no. I didn’t even have the energy to be mad at the doctor or the hospital, I just knew very solidly in my heart that all my energy had to go towards Lena. I had to give her all the love she needed to survive.”

Though Howe loves being a mother, she knew she would be finishing her degree. Slowly easing herself back in, Howe started with one class. Now, she’s ready for a heavier course load.  

“In terms of the kids being so little right now, it can be a difficult decision to go back to school,” she said. “But education, if that’s something you really want to pursue, is possible… don’t be afraid to see what your options are.”

However, being a young mom on campus can be isolating. Most students can’t relate to diapers and bedtimes, but Howe still hopes to find a network of other parents in school. On top of attending university with three children, Howe also spends her time teaching yoga and volunteering at a hospice. If she has some spare time, Friday nights are filled with swing dancing and Argentine tango.

For now, Howe says balancing it all is still a work in progress. She attributes a lot of her success to having a strong support network, something she realizes many mothers attending post-secondary don’t have. As Howe juggles motherhood and school with her various endeavours, support from her family and friends has been fundamental.

“There’s a strength that comes with being a mother. Pregnancy for nine months and delivering children just grows strength within a woman and it made me feel like I could do anything,” she said. “After being told your children will die, and being in the hospital for so long, all the fear I had about becoming a vocal performer was gone. I’m alive and I can do this!”