Top 5: Things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving
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5. The fact that live turkeys and turkey meat share the same title
The English language loves to differentiate between animal meat when it’s dead and animal meat when it’s alive — for most edible animals. But while we may wonder about how there are no pig and Swiss sandwiches, we don’t have have to deal with any terminological confusion when it comes to turkey. The bird is the word, but so is the meat.
4. Drake’s Thank Me Later
What an unforgettable album. I can stay up all night thinking about how this album reminds me of thanking culture. I’m still not over how disappointing Views was, but I deal with it by coming back to Thank Me Later because I know Drake can still show me a good time. The album also gets bonus points for featuring Nicki Minaj.
3. Christmas
Objectively, Thanksgiving is a terrible holiday. No one buys you anything. There isn’t a solstice happening to bring pagans together in celebration, and no deity-birthing to bring the monotheists together. Worst of all, CBC isn’t going to run an animated feature film starring Tom Hanks called The Thanksgiving Express. There’s snow on the ground, but it’s not festive and fluffy — it’s sticky and likely to melt at noon and freeze onto the road in the evening, which is a bitch if you drive a 2000 Ford Focus.
At least we can use this long weekend to look forward to Christmas.
2. Living away from home so you don’t have to deal with family members
You, poor university student, may find yourself alone and away from the fam this Monday. It’s sad at first, but there’s a lot to be happy about. Your racist, sexist, argumentative, overbearing, Notley-hating relatives are miles away, chortling about how Kelly from two doors down hasn’t figured out her new garage door opener yet. You, tucked away in university, don’t have to listen to stories about Kelly dating a new divorcee every two weeks, and you aren’t obligated to nod along as if you care. Most importantly, you aren’t forced to point out how petty this kind neighbourhood gossip is, which prompts your mother to ask in that strained tone you hate, “How come you’re never interested in what I have to say?”
1. Starbucks® Pumpkin Spice Whipped Cream
The annual pumpkin spice craze is being taken to the next level with Starbucks® Pumpkin Spice Whipped Cream, introduced this year to franchises near you. Yes! This means consumers can get a double dose of spicy squash in one warm pumpkin beverage. The new cream is a great step in the evolution of lattes and simultaneously presents a holiday-themed option for your next love-making session. What’s better than whipped cream on your nipples? This Thanksgiving, it’s Starbucks® Pumpkin Spice Whipped Cream.