SuppliedTesla has been the victim of Elon Musk, notable business vulture. And now all of us are victims of his hideous Cybertrucks.
Tesla released the dumpster fire that is the Cybertruck in November 2023, seemingly in an extremely unfinished state. Of course, we can partially blame Musk, with his many downfalls and quasi-intellectual thoughts. But it’s not fair to blame the entirety of the Cybertruck’s flaws on him. Lord knows he likely had little part in its conceptualization. This pseudo-truck is empirically ugly, useless, and an abomination of engineering. It should be pulled out of the streets immediately.
The Cybertruck is so haphazardly assembled that Tesla has had to continuously recall the millennial-ifyed version of Oscar the Grouch’s house that they call a vehicle. Recalls are sad for those who were silly enough to invest $128,870 CAD in a self-driving, visually maxed out Pontiac Aztek. But it’s absolutely brilliant news for all of us who enjoy not looking at trash cars. My favourite features of the Cybertruck are its seemingly built-in combustion feature and the fragility of the doors and windshields. I’m sure these are features that everyone wants in their pseudo-trucks.
I was recently subjected to seeing this monstrosity in-person. Uncontrollably, I said “ew” out loud and began dry heaving out of disgust. I could have never imagined witnessing the infamous pseodu-truck in my beloved ‘Berta. I had the urge to pluck my eyes out then and there from disgust. But at least for the sake of my education, I resisted the urge and my eyes were spared.
One may think that I am simply just “hating from outside of the club” but I have been in many a Tesla. All Tesla vehicles are super strange and genuinely ugly. Frankly I would much rather use one of those e-unicycles that you see around campus everyday than ever be in a Tesla for over 30 seconds again. Besides that, from a practical standpoint, what could you possibly use the Cybertruck for in Edmonton? Y’all do know that it gets very cold and snowy here right? Two things that these Californian cars cannot handle. Not only do you subject us to visual pain, but you also subject yourself to enormous car troubles. What kind of self-distinctive, menace to society type of behaviour is this?
I beg that my fellow Edmontonians unite against these electric eyesores. We must force the government to capitulate to our ideals and ban these banged-up toaster ovens on wheels from our sightlines. Let’s all just hope that the Telsa recalls all the Cybertrucks in Edmonton or the owners come to their senses so we never have to see those beasts up close again.
