Let’s be real: a U of A bathroom can be a scary, scary place.
There are dozens of them, and they’re all so weird and different — it’s overwhelming. With everything going on, the least we can ask for is to have a nice place to do our business on campus. Well, that’s where I come in. In order to help people find the perfect bathroom for them, I have compiled a list of my favourite bathrooms on campus. You’re probably wondering: why do you have a favourite bathroom? How on Earth do you have enough to write a whole article about it? Read on to find out.
Apologies in advance to all the boys out there; I only have the intel to the bathrooms I am allowed to enter, so unfortunately, you are left out of this segment.
1. Centennial Centre for Interdisciplinary Science (CCIS)
If there was a bathroom religion, CCIS would be its patron saint. I’m not exaggerating when I say this is the perfect bathroom. Despite CCIS being one of the most crowded buildings at the University of Alberta, this bathroom is almost always empty, and guaranteed to be clean. Located on the main floor, it is super accessible and easy to find. It’s between the CCIS North Lecture Theatres and the entrance into the Biological Sciences pedway. It is also directly beside Remedy, which makes it even easier — just follow your nose. And, if you ever need an excuse to grab a chai before or after class, this bathroom can help. For the record, all CCIS bathrooms are pretty good, so it doesn’t matter which one you choose, but this specific one reigns supreme. It isn’t overpowering or weird in its decorating choices (looking at you, education pepto-bismol bathroom), and it’s always clean, even with thousands of students coming in daily.
2. Humanities Centre (HC)
Now, I know what you’re thinking: how did the Humanities Centre make the top two in anything, let alone a list of great bathrooms? We all know that the Humanities Centre is one of the ugliest buildings on campus, and that rule also applies to its bathrooms. For the most part, none of them are real winners, except for one. On the second floor, hidden in the stairway, there is a secret girls bathroom tucked behind a corner. Sitting right beside room 2-47 (what has got to be the worst placed classroom). This bathroom is perfect for one thing and one thing only: private poops. Because it’s literally in the dumbest location, no one is ever in this bathroom, making it also the cleanest bathroom on campus. However, please beware: I can’t guarantee that you will be able to find it. Do not blame me if you get lost on your way. I haven’t been able to find it since taking this photo, but maybe that adds to its mystique.
3. Old Arts Building
The Old Arts bathroom made this list strictly for aesthetic purposes, and boy, it does not disappoint. Just like the Old Arts building itself, this bathroom is way over the top. Instead of the plaster walls typically found in University of Alberta bathrooms, this one has blue tiles. I repeat: blue tiles. Every time I go in there, I feel like I should be looking at a Greco-Roman fountain, ornate with gold. If you ever find yourself wishing you could travel and escape to a much better place, just go to the bathroom in Old Arts. Your brain will trick you into thinking you took a fun little getaway. It won’t last long, but hey, at least it’s something.
4. Rutherford South
If you have ever found yourself looking for a bathroom that is equal parts Chamber of Secrets and 18th century sanatorium, look no further than Rutherford South! This bathroom is mainly for the experience. It’s easily one of the most bizarre bathrooms on campus. In order to get here, head into the basement of Rutherford South and go through the door that looks like it should be labeled with warning signs. If you find yourself in a hallway that looks straight out of Stranger Things, you are in the right place. Much like Old Arts, this bathroom uses tiles as its main focal point, and it works. The tiles in the floor are very funky, and when combined with the paint and stalls, it makes for a very retro vibe. One bonus of this bathroom is that it is quite literally a sauna. Although that would suck during a classic Edmonton heat wave, it’ll be your saving grace during our annual ice age.
5. Central Academic Building (CAB)
Ranking in number five is none other than CAB basement, easily one of the most mediocre campus bathrooms. This one exists as a more convenient option, as it sits almost in the middle of campus, but it isn’t very fun. Unlike the other bathrooms mentioned, this one is strictly utilitarian. If you think I’m crazy for putting this bathroom on this list at all, you might be remembering the CAB bathrooms of the pre-pandemic days. For all the first-timers on campus, this bathroom used to suck so bad; it was always packed, the toilets never worked, and it was perpetually dreary. Not anymore! After a much needed renovation, the CAB basement bathroom is barely reminiscent of its old self. The sinks are perfectly placed apart to allow social distancing, there are so many stalls that lines are non-existent, and the lighting is no longer a post-apocalyptic yellow colour. Even on its bad days, CAB basement is leagues better than so many campus bathrooms. Just remember: no matter how horrible CAB may be, just be thankful you aren’t in Tory.