Put MORE lead in Edmonton’s drinking water

I don’t know about you folks, but I like my water with a little bit of flavour. A little bit of zest. 

I’m a thrillseeker, you see. I don’t like doing things unless they’re dangerous. What I’m trying to say is I like my water heavy. Like, real heavy. I want to pick up that glass and have it be a challenge. I want it to be heavy enough to act as a dumbbell while I drink so I can get swole as FUCK. So when I found out about the lead in Edmonton’s water, I, needless to say, was gently annoyed.

There was lead in the water? I could barely taste it! It was so easy for me to lift up my glass of H20 that I just assumed the water was just some normal pussy shit. Turns out it’s more like a glass of Kool-Aid, but there’s only like a teaspoon of Kool-Aid mix in a 500mL glass. It’s BULLSHIT!

So, City of Edmonton, I challenge you to do something extreme and badass. Put more fucking lead in the water. Fucking do it. Let the lead from the pipes seep into the water supply and help me quench my thirst for heavy-as-fuck water. If I’m not feeling poisoned, then it isn’t enough. I’d rather you be putting lead into the water than those chemicals that are turning the frogs gay.