NationalOpinion

Marble Pedestal: Cocktails with body parts in them

They put WHAT in a cocktail?

Last June, a British man mailed two of his severed toes all the way across the ocean in a box addressed to Dawson City, Yukon. Nick Griffiths, an endurance athlete, had lost these little piggies to frostbite during the Yukon Arctic Ultra, an incredibly cold race which attracts incredibly cold people. A month later, I took a road trip to Whitehorse, just a little ways south of Dawson City. These two events have no correlation. However, had I known the reason that toes get sent to Dawson, I might have taken the extra couple hours and driven up there! 

There ain’t much up in Dawson, but if you’re into mummies or severed appendages, it might be the place for you. At Dawson City’s Downtown Hotel, you can get a Sourtoe cocktail, and become a member of the Sourtoe Cocktail Club! All you’ve got to do is order any shot with a genuine dehydrated human toe in it, and let the toe touch your lips while drinking. It’s a truly unique drinking experience that makes Dawson City stand out.

I believe our university could take some inspiration from the Downtown Hotel. We have a couple of bars on campus that would definitely benefit from a bit of quirky fun. RATT and Dewey’s are fine as they are, but I think that if we really want to make a name for ourselves, we should encourage the SU to spice things up a little bit. 

They used to store cadavers in the building that now houses Dewey’s; I propose that we bring back those cadavers to stuff them in the giant barrels that they store the beer in. Wouldn’t it be cool to say that you drank a cadaver beer?

And why stop at humans? The SU should ask the provincial government to send some of the rats they’ve killed at the border to RATT. Not only could a pickled rat tail make a nice garnish for a caesar, but they could also use the bodies to make a new RATT Rat Sandwich. If they end up sending any live rats, put them under the chef’s hats, and the food will have a special French touch

Dawson City’s Downtown Hotel may be able to say they’ve got the coolest toe cocktail in the world, but I believe that the University of Alberta can give them a run for their money. Bring body cocktails to U of A!

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