Burlap Sack: Shoppers Drug Mart no longer open 24-hours

To the universe we owe the question: why?

What has Shoppers Drug Mart done to be deserving of such an unsubtle execution as this? Today, the removal of their 24-hour policies; tomorrow, the end.

Shoppers, how I will cherish our time together! Myself but a humble drunkard stumbling through your aisles at 3am, hunting for the sacred items I know you’ll have both of: snacks and ibuprofen for the dark morning to come. I ineptly attempt to use the self-checkout, which I cannot even operate sober, all the while watched over by a night security guard who somehow always looks exactly like someone I know. Realizing my stupidity, an employee helps me, with the brand of sleep-deprived hospitality only a Shoppers night shift employee can give. I trip on the way out the door, but I’m not worried, for Shoppers does not judge.

How will I forget the last-minute saves you have afforded me? You have always been there, with your emergency midnight milk for my mac and cheese, your endless supply of tiny hair products I am able to take on airplanes; even your Xbox controllers when I could not wait until the morning. Who will I go to when I need both cheaply made halloween decorations and a dozen cream eggs after 10 p.m.? Where will I go when, at 2 a.m., I break my phone cord for the fifth time this year?

There will be a void in my life without you, 24-hour Shoppers. I consider you less as a store, more a friend. Your overpriced lawn ornaments and disproportionately large condom selection just don’t seem the same in the sober daylight. How am I supposed to giggle with my friends about the fact that you stock dish soap and chips in the same aisle?

24-hour Shoppers, I’ll always hold our time together close to my heart. You have seen me in the worst, most animalistic states I have ever been in, but have still given me the strawberry milk and ramen noodles I ventured out to purchase. During exam season I should have been locked in a cage at the zoo, yet still you provided me with the staples, bandaids, and ground coffee I needed.

Thank you, 24-hour Shoppers. I will not cry for you, for you are in a better place: away from the cruel world which would see your demise.

Payton Ferguson

Payton Ferguson is a English major by day, 2019-20 Opinion Editor for The Gateway by night (and also day). She enjoys long walks to the fridge, writing until her wrists ache, and bombarding social media with pictures of her chihuahuas.

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