Christina VarvisAn Ode to Festivus
by Aidan Herron
An ode to Festivus,
A celebration for the rest of us.
The holiday with no fuss,
And disappointment is a must.
You gather round the silver pole,
Where you all share a goal:
To air the grievances of your souls,
Until you all weep without control.
Everyone looks and tells you
How you’re disappointing through and through.
And you say back, “Well that’s nothing new,
And just so you know, you disappoint me too.”
Festivus is a celebration for the cynical,
Where we reflect on how we are all pitiful,
And our disappointment in each other is mutual,
But we smile, because hey, it’s a Festivus miracle.
Ukrainian Christmas 101
by Ashton Mucha
For a large family of Ukrainians, Christmas is all about the traditional food. It’s not just the perogies (pyrohy) and cabbage rolls (holubtsi), it’s about the meaning behind the food. Although we usually have two dinners on Christmas Day, Christmas Eve is always the bigger celebration. Nothing says Khrystos Razdayetsia (Christ is born) like vodka, perogies, and carolling!
Admittedly, I didn’t realize the religious connotation in a lot of my family’s Ukrainian Christmas traditions until I spoke to my mom and aunt. I guess I just go through the motions each year without fully understanding why.
So here’s what I’ve learned: although Ukrainian Christmas is celebrated on January 6 (Sviat Vechir) and 7, we celebrate it on December 24 and 25. It’s on the 24th we don’t eat meat or dairy out of respect for the animals who shared their stable during the birth of baby Jesus. As it turns out, when I catch my grandpa stargazing before dinner, it’s not just because he’s taking in the view, it’s because he’s searching the east sky for the first star, which symbolizes the Star of Bethlehem — only then can
we eat.
We begin dinner with kutya, a wheat dish with apples, honey, and poppyseeds, which represents family unity, peace, prosperity, and good health. And when my Mother was young, my grandma used to prepare 12 meatless dishes, which were symbolic of the 12 apostles. Basically, Christmas is a big feast and drinking fest. And it comes to an end on January 19th during the Feast of Jordan (Yordan). That’s it, the feast is over … “you’re done.”
How To Go Ham During Hanukkah
by Sam Podgurny
“Merry Christmas,” I say, crunching through the salty, fried skin of a hot potato pancake (you say lat-kee, I say lat-kuh…). “There’s no better bite,” I think, as I sit under the Hanukkah menorah’s light, than the sweet and savoury meat carved from a freshly baked ham.
With my Jewish family, and Greek girlfriend, no holiday plate is complete without either of these yearly-awaited treats. Each year, these foods which would otherwise have no place in each other’s lives, find their way into my open — and oh so welcoming — mouth. With a full heart and stomach, it’s my
joy-of-joys.
Potatoes, onion, flour, baking soda, eggs, and oil — it’s all you’ll need to welcome your family into mine. Shred, chop, and mix it all up before frying to perfection. Just remember to keep your oil hot, only flip once, and salt to your taste. Mom’s orders.
Christmas shopping begins with pork: pre-cooked, and low-sodium are a must, and with bone-in you’ll get more flavour. Prepare your favourite basting sauce (mine involves brown sugar, grainy mustard, and citrus juices) and remember to score the ham’s skin before cooking. After two hours at 325 degrees, baste, and cook for 45 minutes more. Slice and serve once covered and cooled — it’ll be hard to decide what’s juicier, the meat or the left over gravy.
At last the latke and Christmas ham can come together, united by the families who have cherished each separately year after year. As the Christmas tree shimmers in the background and the golden gelt glows on the coffee table, our traditions are shared among those who lovingly share in each other’s company. My holiday meal may not be traditional (and is far from kosher), but my belly doesn’t complain — Christmukkah is undeniably delicious.
Basic Latke Recipe
*Serves approx. 5 people
Ingredients:
3 pounds bakers’ potatoes
1 medium onion
2 eggs
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
cooking oil
- Cut onion into large pieces and process in food processor until fine. Move into separate bowl. Cut potatoes in quarters and shred in processor until no longer chunky (they should not be wet or over-processed). Mix into onions.
Mom’s tip: For a small batch (2 people), hand grate potatoes. The old fashioned way is the best way. - Add flour, eggs, and baking powder. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
- Add fresh cooking oil to a skillet, just enough to cover the bottom of your pan. Heat until sizzling, not popping. Replace oil and reheat as needed.
- Spoon 4-5 large latkes into pan, careful not to overcrowd. Cook like a pancake; leave until brown and nearly cooked through on one side before flipping.
Mom’s tip: Only flip once! - Place cooked latkes on paper towels on a cooling rack. Move to serving plate when cool.
Mom’s tip: Don’t stack directly on top of one another, no one likes a mushy latke. - Top with sour cream or apple sauce. Add extra salt if needed.
Christmas Ham
*to be eaten once per calendar year
Ingredients:
1 (10-pound) ham
1 1/4 cups packed dark brown sugar
1/3 cup pineapple juice
1/3 cup orange juice + zest (generous)
1/3 cup honey
2 tbsp grainy mustard
1/4 tsp ground cloves (optional)
pineapple rings, orange slices (optional)
Note: Buy pre-cooked ham for reduced cooking time, bone-in for most flavour, and choose the lowest sodium option you can find.
- Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
- Score skin of ham into criss-crosses. Skewer pineapple rings or orange slices to outside of ham (optional).
- Place ham in oven and bake for 2 hours.
- In a sauce pan, combine brown sugar, pineapple juice, honey, orange juice/zest, mustard, and cloves. Bring to a boil. When bubbling, reduce heat and simmer for 5-10 mins. Set aside to cool.
Note: Use your favourite mustard, as long as it’s not French’s — that’s not for cooking.
- Remove ham from oven, and brush with glaze. Bake for another 30-45 minutes, brushing on glaze every 10 minutes.
- When finished, let rest covered with foil. If left over glaze, combine with drippings for gravy, adding flour and/or cornstarch to thicken. Cut ham into 1/4 inch thick slices and serve with sauce on the side.
