Christina VarvisOn International Women’s Day, Kim Kardashian tweeted a nude selfie that sparked a heated cluster fuck of commentary ranging from P!nk’s contempt to Amber Rose’s support. The Twitter battle consisted of slut-shaming jabs and body-positive rebuttals, all eventually silenced by Kim’s blog post the following day. “I am empowered by my body. I am empowered by my sexuality. I am empowered by feeling comfortable in my skin,” she wrote, calling for an end to body-shaming and slut-shaming.
Now, as someone who typically tries to steer clear from the time-sucking lives of the Kardashians, the nudist queen within me couldn’t help but give Kim two solid thumbs up for unapologetically flaunting her body. Hell, if I were a mother of two and still managed to have an hourglass figure with an ass that won’t quit, you better believe I’d be spamming my contact list with nude selfies around the clock.
Being nude is refreshing and empowering. I really can’t emphasize that enough. The first thing I do when I get home is strip my social armour — the cotton, denim, and pleather that restricts my body from its true identity. I’ll even cook bacon in the nude. Oh, and what if it spatters? Luckily, I developed a method that helps strengthen my mentality and reinforce my body positivity: whenever I feel the grease burn my stomach or singe my nipples, I’ll whisper something like “freedom of expression,” or “my body, my rights,” until the pain eventually subsides by the thoughts of much more important issues at hand.
And being naked isn’t just a reinforcing ego boost — nudity also leads to a better night’s sleep. According to a study done by the National Sleep Foundation, the ideal body temperature for optimal rest is around 18 °C; being in the buff lowers your body temperature and combats those agonizing nights where you’re tossing and turning from overheat. Being naked also eliminates toxins that our clothes can trap, which leads to healthier skin.
So don’t second guess yourself next time you want to go skinny dipping. Flail your flesh and plunge into the water like the liberated creature you are. Yell “free” as you frolic toward the sunset, in the field of God’s unwanted children, waving your slut flag high and soaking up the vitamin D from all that sun exposure (warning: too much sun exposure can lead to serious sun damage and skin cancer, so by all means, be naked in the sun, but maybe not for that long).
And speaking of vitamin D, being naked preps you for penetration! Your nude, consensual body is ready to go like a true member of the animal kingdom. No more dealing with those tricky belt buckles and awkwardly taking off your socks. And men, did you know that wearing underwear can restrict your blood flow, decreasing your fertility? So go commando and be the fertile man I know you’ve always wanted to be.
Being naked is the most natural thing we can be, so in Kim’s defence, we really shouldn’t condemn a gal for flashing the public. After all, we are all skin and bones. We are hair and moles and stretch marks and scars and wrinkles and even so, we’re all still too sexy for our shirts.
