SuppliedBrewery: Drink Four Brewing Company
Available at: Most Liquor Depots
With midterms piling up all around you as the semester progresses, you’re no doubt looking for a way to kick-start your studying. Some people choose coffee, some take straight caffeine supplements, others just snort Adderall off their TA’s ass. In a world of stimulants to keep your studying on track, one solution will turn your stomach more than that D- you just pulled in calculus: Four Loko Lemonade.
This revolting concoction combines the sweet taste of lemonade with the brutal impact of malt liquor to bring you the Frankenstein’s monster of beer. Not only will it energize you with its high sugar content, it will knock you on your ass with its 8% ABV. If that sounds terrible to you, you probably hold the majority opinion.
One the nose we have overwhelming notes of syrup, lemon, and rubbing alcohol. The taste brings more of the same; burning down your throat and tasting as if someone simply carbonated 700mL of shitty Limoncello. The worst aspect of Four Loko is that long-lasting finish, taking up residence on your tongue with the same resilience as cough syrup.
Please, for the love of God, pick literally any other method to boost your studying this semester. Four Loko is an ill-conceived experiment into the extent people will go to get drunk. This half-juice half-beer travesty will knock you down faster than you can say, “I don’t know why they felt the need to make the can camouflage, it’s already douchey enough.”
