Christina VarvisOn Thursday, Feb. 26, the Edmonton music community was hit with the news that the beloved music venue The Artery is being forced by the city to close its doors on March 31. This is a tragic loss to the music community, especially coming so soon after the fire at The Roxy and the notice that Wunderbar is up for sale.
Because we have nothing better to do, The Gateway wants to help in its usual weird and non-helpful way by writing about things that will never actually happen. Here are some suggestions that we think would be the best places in the city where The Artery should relocate.
In light of the terribly shocking and brutally sudden loss of The Artery, we are now forced to look ahead for a new venue to fill the hole in our hearts. The obvious choice is a building you’ve probably heard of, that’s going to find itself lacking a certain hockey team very soon. That’s right, I want to move The Artery to Rexall Place.
Think about it, it’s the perfect spot. Oftentimes concertgoers noted the lack of space in The Artery, problem solved. How does a capacity of over 16,000 sound? What was once an ice surface now becomes the biggest band stage imaginable. Multiple bands could play simultaneously, attracting fans of all genres to celebrate a glorious night of music.
Critics may say the acoustics will suck, and those critics will be right. But really, who cares about acoustics when you’re watching eight bands at once and you’re too drunk to tell the difference between any of them? The sheer sonic power of that event will be enough to convince any doubters that the new Artery belongs in Rexall Place. – Jason Timmons
You know what this university could really use? Another performance venue. I happen to know of one that could use a place to relocate. Why not bring it here?
Sure, we’ve got the Myer Horo-witz and Convocation Hall, which are great for larger ensembles. There’s the Jube, which is nice if you’re an orchestra or if more than a dozen or so people know who you are. Then there’s Dinwoodie, which is really only good for poster sales. What we need is a place like The Artery: a small, slightly seedy venue with a good beer selection and a pleasant atmosphere.
In addition to livening up the campus with regular shows, it would be a great source of revenue for the university. As for where to put it, there’s plenty of space in Quad for a new building. Or, to save money and in an effort to maintain the atmosphere of The Artery, it would fit nicely in one of the pre-existing buildings; perhaps somewhere in FAB, or even better, part of the Faculty Club could be reworked to accommodate it. It doesn’t exactly take up a huge amount of space even as it is.
Giving The Artery a space at the U of A would go a long way towards improving our campus culture. It would give students an additional avenue through which to connect with the Edmonton arts and music scene without having to brave the elements just to go to a concert. And, most importantly, it would mean that we wouldn’t have to say goodbye to wonderful place that is The Artery. – Riley Samson
If I had any say, I’d keep The Artery right where it is. Maybe I’m a little biased because I live in the apartment upstairs, but the “structural integrity” doesn’t seem to be an impending issue. If it really was a problem, I doubt we’d have even been allowed to continue running shows until the end of March.
The ideal would be six months to a year with The Artery staying where it is, followed by owner Philip and crew opening a new venue somewhere else downtown. Which was sort of the plan, until the city decided the LRT needs to happen immediately.
Where The Artery stands right now is accessible by public transit and has the aesthetics that make it feel like an intimate hole-in-the-wall experience. It’s definitely going to be hard to find any location that compares. – Maggie Schmidt
