Book review: ‘I Remember Lights’ by Ben Ladouceur

Ben Ladouceur’s debut novel, I Remember Lights, is a historical-fiction that takes place in the years 1967 and 1977. The novel takes place between the notorious 1977 police raid of the Truxx Bar in Montreal, and the before and after of the 1967 International and Universal Exposition (Expo 67). Between these two times, the unnamed protagonist of the story discovers the underground 1960s gay culture of Montreal. And in 1977, he lives through the violent Truxx raid, which police raided solely because it was a gay bar. 

The story begins with the main character meeting 19-year-old, John who sets the rest of the story in-line. John asks the main character about his past, including details about his past relationships. The story then goes back and forth between the protagonist at 19-years-old, discovering himself and his sexuality around Montreal, and at 29-years-old, going to Truxx with John. 

The flashbacks detail how men would secretly find each other and love when they weren’t allowed to. The main character overall is looking for gay liberation. He wants to love openly, and the scenes set in 1977 demonstrate why people were so afraid to do so.

The concepts of gay liberation, love, and sex are all explored through the many sexual and few emotional encounters of the main character. Each relationship contextualizes the position the main character is in at 29-years-old. However, the unemotional and clinically detailed sex scenes make these encounters feel shallow. 

The flashbacks throughout the novel lead up to the main character’s experience in the 1977 raids. These scenes brutally detail how the Montreal police raided Truxx Bar, and the sexual violence the men endured after their arrest. Using what he learned from the past, the main character helps other men handle the assault they experience while under arrest. After his release from prison, he finds himself welcomed by 2,000 protestors, all fighting for gay liberation. 

The ending of the book was very underwhelming and made the book feel like a lead up to nothing. Similar to intimate moments in the book, the kiss at the end feels hollow. The lackluster ending is odd especially when noting that those protests led to the Québécois charter of human rights protecting sexual orientation only two months later. This made Quebec the first province to include sexual orientation as prohibited grounds for discrimination in its charter of human rights. Ending the novel with this ruling would have been more impactful. 

The rest of the book is also very apolitical. For example, a significant moment in history was when Pierre Trudeau decriminalized homosexuality in 1968. Despite the book taking place during this time, Ladouceur does not include it. If anyone knows anything about Quebec prior to reading this, it is noticeable that big moments in Canada’s 2SLGBTQ+ history are left out.

Overall, Ladouceur’s novel reminds us of some of Canada’s history of systemic homophobia. It also presents a very realistic portrayal of men’s experiences of living in secret in the 1960s and 1970s. I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a story shining light on Canadian history and the experiences of gay men in Canada. But in terms of resolution, the novel is not as fulfilling as it could have been.