The 2026 Purity Test: Roommate Lore Edition

Every apartment slowly develops its own extended universe. Characters emerge. Plot lines repeat. Certain events are mentioned so often they might as well be canon. This Roommate Lore Edition Purity Test is a completely unscientific way to determine how deep you are in that universe. Proceed with curiosity and a healthy sense of humour.

Questions are framed as “Have you ever…,” “Do you know…,” or “Check if you…” Check off the box if you have done the activity and total your score to find out exactly how good (or bad) of a roommate you are!

Graphic by Ash Grover.

PURITY TEST: ROOMMATE LORE EDITION

HAVE YOU EVER…
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 Learned your roommate’s schedule without being told (+1)

 Could predict when they’d shower (+1)

 Planned your showers around it (+1)

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 Avoided the kitchen because someone else was in it (+1)

 Waited until an unholy hour to eat (+1)

 Ordered food instead (+1)

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 Used your roommates deodorant (+1)

 And hoped they wouldn’t notice (+1)

 Replaced it out of guilt (+1)

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 Hidden in your room to avoid socializing (+1)

 Listened at the door to see if it was safe (+1)

  Texted someone else to ask if the coast was clear (+1)

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 Texted your roommate while in the apartment instead of speaking in-person (+1)

  Because confrontation scares you (+1)

 Because you were both hiding (+1)

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 Pretended not to hear someone knocking (+1)

 Lied about being asleep (+1)

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 Described a roommate’s behaviour using a phrase like “that’s so them” (+1)

 In a loving way (+1)

 In a deeply judgemental way (+2)

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 Been present for a “you had to be there” situation (+1)

 Tried and failed to explain it later (+1)

 Still reference it months later (+1)

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 Been a little too excited for a morning debrief (+2)

 Made coffee specifically for it (+1)

 Waited outside their door (+2)

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 Learned too much about your roommate’s love life (+2)

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 Crashed out over your roommate not doing the dishes (+2)

 Avoided doing dishes because your roommate was the one that used them (+1)

 Sent a long paragraph text (+1)

 Passive aggressively did them anyway (+1)

 Ran out of clean dishes (+1)

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 Made a chore chart (+2)

 Colour-coded it (+1)

 No one followed it (+1)

 Took it down out of embarrassment (+1)

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 Had a roommate trip to Costco (+1)

 Bought things no one needed (+1)

 Ran out of storage space (+1)

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 Created a group chat specifically to talk about the apartment (+2)

 Excluded one roommate (+2)

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 Left a passive aggressive note for your roommate (+2)

 Signed it “Roommates ❤️” (+2)

 Pretended it wasn’t you (+1)

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 Owed your roommate beers (+1)

 Still haven’t paid them back (+1)

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 Accidentally walked in on something (+2)

 Made eye contact (+2)

 Pretended like it didn’t happen (+1)

 Immediately texted another roommate about it (+1)

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 Tried to study/sleep but couldn’t because your roommate was having sex (+2)

 Put in headphones and suffered (+1)

 Left the apartment entirely (+1)

 Listened to a playlist you now associate with trauma (+2)

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 Had a disagreement over what temperature to keep the thermostat at (+1)

 Adjusted it behind each other’s backs (+1)

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 Woke up to find puke in the kitchen sink (+3)

 Didn’t know whose it was (+1)

 Knew exactly whose it was (+1)

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 Had to throw out tupperware because your roommate left their food to ferment for several weeks (+2)

 Held a moment of silence (+1)

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 Deep cleaned the house because other roommates refused to keep things organized (+3)

 Found something that haunted you (+2)

 Questioned how you ever lived like that (+1)

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 Had to call your roommate to bring you toilet paper (+2)

 While guests were over (+2)

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 Clogged the toilet (don’t ask how) (+2)

 Blamed the plumbing (+1)

 Let someone else discover it (+1)

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 Tracked your roommate’s location (+2)

 So you could avoid them (+1)

 To make sure they got home safe (+1)

 Both at the same time (+2)

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 Accused your roommate of stealing something (+2)

 Was wrong (+1)

 You were the one who stole something (+2)

 It was in your room the whole time (+1)

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 Not seen your roommate for several days because they were on a bender (+3)

 Thought they moved out (+1)

 Found them asleep on the couch (+1)

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 Had to supervise your roommate when they took drugs (+3)

 Googled symptoms mid-panic (+1)

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 Banned one of your roommates friends from coming over (+2)

 Soft-banned (+1)

 Pretended it was a “house decision” (+1)

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 Plotted with one of your roommates on how to get rid of your other roommate (+3)

 Half-joking (+1)

 Completely serious (+2)

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 Had to stage an intervention (+3)

 It didn’t work (+2)

 Everyone cried (+2)

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DO YOU KNOW…
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 Which roommate is the cleanest (+1)

 Which roommate secretly does nothing (+1)

 Who is most likely to lose something important (+1)

 Who always forgets their keys (+1)

 The story behind a specific object (+1)

 And wish you didn’t know (+2)

 Who keeps leaving beers in the shower (+1)

 Who keeps tripping the breaker (+1)

 Who keeps accidentally trapping the cat in the closet (+1)

 Who keeps leaving their clothes in the living room (+1)

 Who’s friend keeps throwing up and leaving it (+1)

 Who keeps stealing/losing utensils (+2)

 Who cannot be trusted with candles (+1)

 Who has the worst sleep schedule (+1)

 Who will definitely be late on rent (+1)

 Who becomes a different person after two drinks (+1)

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CHECK IF YOU…
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 Do the sweeping/vacuuming (+1)

 Because no one else will (+2)

 Do the dusting (+1)

 Take out the garbage (+1)

 Even when it’s not “your turn” (+2)

 Clean the kitchen (+1)

 Clean the bathroom (+1)

 Including someone else’s hair (+2)

 Clean out the fridge (+1)

 Throw out mystery items (+2)

 Recycle the bottles (+1)

 Replace shared household items (+1)

 Without being asked (+2)

 Feed the cat (+1)

 Even though it’s not yours (+2)

 Are the “mom roommate” (+2)

 Are the “problem roommate” (+2)

 Are both, depending on the week (+3)

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