Valentine’s Day. For the recently dumped or perpetually single, this Hallmark holiday is the bane of our collective existence.
Every year we have the misfortune of being bombarded by hearts, flowers and flying babies that shoot unsuspecting victims with the love feels. Not to mention the parade of happy couples that love to love in front of an audience. To make matters worse, Instagram is a hazmat zone, as your feed is tainted with the kind of “holiday cheer” which simply makes you want to bleach your eyes.
The timing is also awful. Valentine’s Day happens to be during midterms, further forcing the lonely campus singles to take dates with their textbooks. And midterms are cruelly placed during the season of love to triple the sad chocolate consumption of single people.
Speaking of consumption, the amount of Valentine’s Day merchandise is ridiculous. Corporations have brainwashed society into feeling like they need a significant other during this vile holiday, convincing the masses that it is vital to your happiness that you buy anything overpriced and covered in hearts for your temporary love interest. Whether your mama’s-boy boyfriend left you because of said beloved mother, or you’re a self-proclaimed cat lady, you deserve to feel the love on this tragic day.
In light of all this, here are some Valentine’s Day life hacks for singles: sell the tasteless jewelry your spineless ex got you and buy yourself something nice; you deserve it, sweetheart. Invite your close family and friends to warm their hands and your heart over a bonfire of his or her sentimental stuff. Indulge in your chocolate cravings, watch a romantic comedy marathon, and cuddle your cats.
Let’s make this love season more than forced relationships and tears, because let’s get real: chocolate is the only part worth celebrating.