Reading Week is just around the corner, and while I’m sure everyone is ready for a whole 11 days off, how are you supposed to enjoy it if you have a paper due bright and early Monday morning? Sleeping in just isn’t that fun when you have to wake up and study for the second round of midterms. How can we stop looming deadlines from ruining our one week of peace during the fall semester? Simple: just don’t do the assignments.
But how, I hear you asking, do I most effectively shirk my reading week responsibilities? I am so glad you asked.
Go to Jail
Step one: Get pulled over by the police.
Step two: Refuse to provide a breath or blood sample.
Step three: Pay a $1,000 fine.
Step four: Repeat steps one and two.
Step five: Go to jail for 30 days.
This method is effective in that you will be physically unable to attend university during your time in the slammer. However, the $1,000 cost and the fact that you get all the time in the world to study in your cell makes this method less than ideal. Additionally, unless you can get out on parole, you’re gonna miss classes. There goes your participation grade.
Licensed doctors are not allowed to put a patient into a coma unless there is a medical reason to do so. Finding a doctor who is skilled enough and willing to put you in a coma for the duration of Reading Week will be difficult, but certainly not impossible. That’s what the dark web was made for! Plus, you’re going to be so rested by the time reading week is over, and that’s what this is about after all.
Waiting in line at Tim Horton’s in CAB
WARNING: Even if you get in line right as Reading Week begins, there’s no guarantee you’ll get to the counter before it’s over. Bring a tent, and be prepared to only get a double-double; you were early, but somehow they’re already out of donuts.
Lead a Class Strike
Viva la revolution and all that jazz. I guarantee you won’t be able to find a single student unwilling to participate in your march on office hours. It’s a protest; university students eat that garbage up. And what’s the prof gonna do anyways? They can’t give us all zeroes… right?
Little known fact about reading week: it was actually put in place so that students could relax and catch up on their readings. So do just that. Read in the shower, read while you eat, read while you sleep, and even read during your chemically-induced coma. The professor is legally required to give you full marks because you followed the instructions to a T. Butterfly in the sky, I can fly twice as high. Take a look, it’s in a book, reading (week) rainbow!