Christmas is such a nice season. Why’d they have to go and ruin it with commercialism? To hell with it: beat the system by spending as little as possible on Christmas gifts this year. The first Christmas gifts were basically some essential oils and a shiny rock anyways — you can afford to get by on a discount this holiday season. Here are five ideal gifts for the frugal student.
Go to Michaels and pick up a frame for ten bucks. Print off a picture that your loved one holds dear, and voila! Instant thoughtful gift. Better yet, take a sharpie and write a gushy message on the back; people eat that crap up. Using phrases like, “I can’t put into words,” or “it goes without saying,” are great ways to get around the fact that you have nothing really meaningful to write.
Remember that exchange you went on last fall? Take all the coins you found at the bottom of your luggage and turn them into an art installation. If you went somewhere where the coins have holes in them, make a little necklace by threading some fishing twine through the opening. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that these coins might be useful to you later — you’re probably never leaving the country again if your student loans have anything to say about it.
Real friends know each others’ addresses. A thoughtful message written with a nice pen on quality paper in an elegant envelope is the way to anyone’s heart. Barring that, the dollar store sells envelopes, printer paper will do, I think they give out free pens somewhere in the Education Building, and the internet has plenty of stock messages you can claim you wrote. Just sign your name at the bottom and let Canada Post do the rest.
The spider plant is a variety of houseplant. They look very similar to grass, but that doesn’t matter: they’re cheap and easy to look after. A huge bonus of having spider plants is that you can rip a chunk off a still growing one and grow a whole new spider plant. You might find some ripe for the picking in your neighbour’s yard. While you’re at it, grab a plant pot too. They’re probably not gonna use it anyways.
Theft over $5,000
… is only punishable by 10 years in jail. There’s no fine associated with this level of theft, and you know what that means? Stealing something over $5,000 is, by far, the cheapest way to get a quality Christmas present for your loved ones. And just knowing that you were willing to go against the law this holiday season in order to get them the perfect gift is sure to put a warm smile on that person’s face. And that’s what matters at the end of the day, right? Money can’t buy happiness, but jail time can.