Marble Pedestal: Hard-Boiled Eggs

I’m a big proponent of making plain food. People have described my cooking style using the exact phrase “apocalypse cooking.” I regularly consume things like plain steamed broccoli with nothing on it, blocks of tofu with just a drizzle of soy sauce, and my specialty: oatmeal thrown into a Mason jar with boiling water from a kettle and shaken to cook with no sweeteners, fruit, or other add-ins. Apocalypse oatmeal, because that’s how you’d probably cook things during the apocalypse.

I love plain food because it’s simple and easy and fast, and while I’m a huge food fanatic when I’m eating stuff I myself am not cooking, those qualities are things I really value if I’m the one having to expend effort to create anything culinary. Which is why I also love hard-boiled eggs (with — you guessed it — nothing on ‘em).

Is there a more practical food out there? Tons of protein, comes in its own container, only requires 12 to 15 minutes of cooking time in just-boiled water on a burner that’s just been turned off, and peels in two near-perfect halves afterward to facilitate quick consumption. It doesn’t run all over the place like a soft-boiled egg, and it doesn’t require utensils or a plate like sunny-side-up eggs. It’s healthy and keeps you full (thanks, protein). The pot only needs a quick wash since you literally only use water to cook it. And it doesn’t — in my opinion — require anything else to make it palatable.

I rest my case. If you’re ever running late (#relatable) and wondering what convenient food you can bring out the door with you and eat in the car, consider the hard-boiled egg.

(I mean, you can eat a banana, too. That’s my go-to choice in that scenario. But hard-boiled eggs are dope, too.)


Tori was the 2017-18 Arts & Culture Editor and 2018-19 Online Editor of this site. They were and still are a huge fan of office comedies, legumes, and critters of all kinds.

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