Christina VarvisThe vagina is complex — I’m sure we can all agree with that. It’s not like the penis where you can take everything at face value, each part announcing itself so aggressively like a Kraken emerging from the depths of the sea to let you know “Hey, here I am. I’ve come to penetrate your emotions and wage disparity.” No, the vagina requires far more maintenance and a basic understanding of clitoral placement in order to reach climax.
Other than vaginas being a cubby hole for guys to put their dick in, men don’t typically regard the biology of vaginas and how they operate. Even mentioning a bleeding vagina — something I can assure you is natural and apparently quite common — causes males to shudder in their comfortable cocoons of oblivion. As a separate entity, the vagina is treated as a black hole which even light cannot escape from. So, what makes guys so disinclined to learn more about vaginas? Why are men so scared of female genitals?
“The scariest part is looking at it. It’s not as beautiful as it sounds. It’s made to sound kind of sweet, like if you listen to certain songs or things about it, but when you actually see it, it’s very different,” says Tarisai Mbudzi, a third-year Economics student. “I think it’s more of a mystery.”
So, is it the appearance of vaginas? In my experience I’ve heard guys refer to vaginas with the most god awful terminology that I find myself wishing into a life of celibacy. Terms like “meat wallet” or “ham sandwich” have been carelessly tossed into conversations about wild Friday nights or hook-ups. To the female on the reciprocating end of that conversation: I am sorry.
“Cum dumpster,” Jacob Nay, 21, regards as one of the worst things he’s ever heard someone call a vagina. Jesus Christ.
“I mean if you treated the vagina like a person it would be your quiet friend who doesn’t say a lot but they have a lot of layers to them and stuff, physically and emotionally. And so I’m not even willing to get to know that socially awkward person because I can’t deal with it. There’s just too much going on…A dick is so much simpler. It’s there and that’s all there is to it. It’s not like ‘what’s around door number two’ or ‘what’s behind door number three,’ you know what I mean?” says Thomas Kube, a student at the U of A studying psychology. “And plus the maintenance, oh my god. Like there’s hormones involved and there’s things you shove up there that come out looking like a battlefield.”
Yes. I get it. Having a vagina is work. I’m not exactly celebrating when there’s blood coming out of it, but at the same time, I think the main source of my creativity stems from my PMS.
When holding up a scientific diagram of the vulva, I was surprised to see how many guys could locate the placement of the clitoris. Approximately 50 per cent of my makeshift-survey-participants were able to correctly point to the clitoris, with others pointing to regions closer to the anus. With that knowledge I still bear hope. Not enough to tell me I can stop fake moaning every time a guy believes he has found the one key part of my vagina, but hope nonetheless.
