Christina VarvisOut in the vast expanse of the internet, there are several ways to express one’s emotions. A soundclip by itself is outdated and redundant on most text-based sites. There are times when a GIF might work to quickly flash an idea to your recipient. If you send a Vine, the feeling is somewhat more nuanced. Yet, there are times when only a keyboard “smash” (as they are colloquially known) is sufficient.
Generally speaking, a keyboard smash is a random assortment of letters produced by “smashing” one’s fingers in random places on a keyboard. However, experts know that there are certain keyboard smashes that look better than others. Both “ewofidsonvadf” and “asdfghjkljljlkgjl” are indeed keyboard smashes, but the latter is more aesthetically sound to those who understand keyboard smashes.
The aesthetics of a keyboard smash in the English language are defined by the QWERTY keyboard. When typing with a QWERTY keyboard, the standard practice is to put your left pinky, ring, middle, and index fingers on the A, S, D, and F keys, respectively, while placing the right ones on the semicolon, L, K, and J keys. All of the fingers are now on the middle row of the keyboard. When typing a keyboard smash, moving fingers in as small of a calculated movement as possible expresses a sharp, yet understated curtness representing disapproval or disbelief.
Besides the physical design of a keyboard, there are also psychological and linguistic implications. When a word is formed in a language, the word needs to follow a set of rules for the reader to make sense of it. For example, there are no words in the English language that start with the two consonants “ng.” Several other languages do have this consonant cluster, but English doesn’t. So, if a smash begins with “ng,” then it already appears incongruous within an English context. A keyboard smash that starts with the first two letters “as” makes more sense to a reader fluent in English because “as” stimulates in the depths of the English mind an immediate sense of familiarity that indicates confidence and restraint in the “smasher” while simultaneously expressing firmness. A rhetorical flourish is permissible at the end of a smash; such flourish behaves as a signature or a unique wax seal. Aspiring managers, take note. Such a controlled smash demonstrates nuance and sophistication, unlike the rude, crude and rather antisocial, as they say, “fisting” of the keyboard.
Of the three lines of letters on the keyboard, the second makes most sense, considering that both consonant clusters “qw” and “zx” do not exist at the beginning of any word in the English language and are thus jarring to viewers and offensive to the English reader’s sensibilities.
So off you go. And remember to “asdfghjkljljlkgjl.”
