Scientologists are the sane ones

Monday, 2 April 2007

In our modern, civilized and politically correct world, discrimination on the basis of religion is frowned upon, to say the least. In fact, voicing predjudicial thoughts tends to give you an imaginary stamp on your forehead that reads “total prick.” But all rules have exceptions, and there’s one religion that remains fair game for discrimination and ridicule. I’m talking about comedy’s perpetual whipping boy, Scientology.

Just try starting a group conversation about Scientology. But be warned: you will hear phrases such as “Ohmygoditssuchascam” and “OhmygodTomCruise” repeated with nauseating regularity. If you happen to find yourself in exceptionally learned company (ie someone who’s read the Wikipedia article on it), that person may mention Scientology’s sci-fi novelist creator, L Ron Hubbard. Perhaps the tabloid reader of your group will bring up Katie Holmes or coo about how adorable Suri Cruise is, but other than that you should find your conversation will go in circles for an indefinite period of time.

I think we can safely say that the average person on this campus knows shit-all about a controversial religion that they all love to gossip about. If this were the case with any other religion, you can bet there would be something of an uproar, and multiple student groups would likely form. However, scientologists seems to be fairly quiet about their faith—could it be they’ve decided to take the moral high road so many religions preach about? Already then, it would seem, they’re actually better at being religious than the rest of us. Could this be a religion that attempts to actually practice what it preaches?

To answer that question, we must first understand what exactly Scientology does preach. Because in all seriousness, if one is going to talk about as touchy and personal a subject as religion, it’s best to be educated on the matter. So let’s talk about the actual teachings of Scientology, and not just the Comedy Network fodder.

Scientology preaches about knowledge and understanding. One of the first things you are told when you start to read about it is, don’t pass by something you don’t understand. Learn what it is and understand it before continuing on your way. If you’re reading a book and spy a word you’ve never seen, find out what it means before you keep reading. That way you’ll completely understand its implications in the sentence. Already it seems we can learn something from our friends the Scientologists: understanding things before we talk about them. What a revolutionary concept.

Scientologists say there are three things you have to attend to in your life and in this order: Being, Doing and Having. Being is your person—your soul, really. The first thing you need to do is determine who you are: Being is being aware and knowledgeable about yourself and your surroundings. Doing is your actions: once you have yourself under control you have to look at your actions and how they’re affecting the world around you. Finally there’s Having: that’s where you get to look at your material possessions and their place in this world. Know about your surroundings before you do anything to affect the world? You guys are probably right, these people are crazy.

One of the major critisms of Scientology is that there are mandatory fees for members of the church. It’s clearly a scam since you have to pay to get in, right? But let’s not forget that organized religions need funds to keep their churches afloat—they just rely on donations. Scientologists are no different: they just happen to be straightforward about their financial needs. I’d prefer that over the guilt-inducing glares of senior citizens when the donation basket is passed around.

So let’s take stock: be knowledgeable, know yourself, know the consequences of your actions and put your mental self before your material one. Lessons we should all take to heart. The bottom line is, if a religion is working to help people better themselves the rest of us are in no place to judge it, regardless of what crazy celebrities happen to follow it. L Ron Hubbard calls Scientology a battle against idiocy. So congratulations to all those of you who just love to talk about this scam religion: you guys get to be the opposing army.