Gateway prognosticators go head-to-head on Colts vs. Saints

POINT: Indianapolis has a secret weapon, and so do I — it’s called Twitter, and it gave me all the answers on the Super Bowl

COUNTERPOINT: Jarome Iginla may not believe in destiny, but I sure do, and that’s why the Saints are going to be marching home as champs

While my counterpart down there will surely try and woe you all with his prognostications as to why the New Orleans Saints will win the Super Bowl by poking holes in my reverence for a certain quarterback and outlandish Twitter scoops, you would be wise to take my words as those of reason. While there is a virtual laundry list of reasons as to why the Saints won't win the Lombardi Trophy this Sunday in Miami, I'll take the high road in this conversation, opting instead to run a positive campaign by exuding the greatness that is Peyton Manning and a mystery man whose identity I will reveal shortly.

Whether you love him, or hate him, Peyton Manning is the NFL's very best quarterback. Manning has proven, and will prove yet again this Sunday, that he is the single greatest quarterback of his generation.

Now, if I really wanted to, I could lay out my entire argument, and possibly based solely on the greatness that is Manning; but for argument sake, I will venture another more life-altering reason as to why the Colts will saddle up and ride out of South Florida with the championship.

This next point is a little out there, granted, but I read it from a very reliable source on Twitter known as "papajeeves" — follow him, he exists. Froster will tell you that I'm lying, but that's just because he just doesn't "get" Twitter — hell, he started crying when he couldn't figure out how to work the registration page.

All that aside, papajeeves tweeted the following nugget of info only a few days ago, and since I am his only follower, I was the only individual to be graced with this knowledge: "Giguere is a good fit. He'll look good in the blue and white."

To this very moment, I have yet to decipher the exact meaning. It could be referring to a Jean-Sebastien Giguere, who recently got traded to the Toronto Maple Leafs — knowing papajeeves as well as I do, I think he was referring to something much more intricate — more specifically, the Colts secret weapon that has yet to be unleashed on the world, Samuel Giguere. Recently rated the 106th best player on either the Colts or Saints (yes, he was rated last, but bear with me), the Canadian wide receiver out of Sherbrooke, Quebec is a hidden gem who will become the next David Tyree. (You heard it here first; it's a hot scoop!) Giguere, who is the long lost cousin of Jean-Sebastien has apparently been saved by Colts head coach Jim Caldwell for the sole purpose of winning the Super Bowl.

This may seem far-fetched, but in reality it will become the single greatest ploy ever used in a Super Bowl. The play that will see Giguere make his lasting impression on the sporting world — and it's subsequent celebratory dance known as "Gettin Jiggy With it" — will become a staple of NFL Films for the next 100 years. Feel free to live tweet your reading of this article if you can't withhold your excitement for this tasty nugget of sporting knowledge.

Even though Mr. Frost believes in the destiny of the Saints claiming the championship, I am confident that they will fall flat this Sunday, thanks to both Peyton Manning's pure grandeur and a little-known Canadian simply known as S.G.

So this is what it's come to, Daumer? Outlandish conspiracy theories on Twitter about Frenchies making significant strides in American football? You know, for someone that used to be a strapping, young, up-and-coming sports writer as of, like, five minutes ago on the article just before this one, you've really hit rock bottom fast with this so-called prediction of yours.

Now, while Evan is preoccupied with tearing up his Sports Select tickets in anticipation of getting your life savings wiped clean, I could sit here and use “prognostication” (about a bottle and a half of red wine) to correctly predict a victor in this year's championship tilt. But there's simply no need to. The only requisite items needed to decipher who will reign supreme this Sunday are reality and cold hard facts — the simple fact of the matter is the New Orleans Saints are destined by higher celestial powers to defeat the Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl XLIV.

No matter how much anyone analyzes this matchup — either from a football or universal perspective — there is one overarching fact that can't be ignored here: God totally owes New Orleans one.

See, back in 2005, in an event that received almost no coverage from the mainstream media, a female leviathan roughly the size of Megazord rose from the Gulf of Mexico and began wreaking havoc on the Louisiana city.

Known among the townspeople simply as “Katrina,” the cruel beast inflicted damage in every direction by waving her smock to create a destructive gale-force wind that wrecked part of the Superdome, and using her gargantuan rolling pin to destroy the city's levees, thus completely submerging houses in water. Those who weren't busy trying to swim out of their front doors stood on their rooftops, declaring “quit PMSing, you cranky bitch!” Unfortunately, that just intensified her wrath.

Realizing that he had “dropped the ball on that one,” God sprung forth almost a year later and unleashed a man who didn't know the meaning of “drop the ball” upon the mammoth woman — a vigourous young stallion named Drew Brees. By that time, though, Katrina's physician recommended that she cease wreaking havoc upon cities due to a chronic back problem, so Brees instead turned his attention punching Katrina's ovaries to rebuilding New Orleans' soul piece by piece.

It has taken a few years of dedicated work — along with the trusty help of God's other henchman, including Reggie Bush, Marques Colston, and Pierre Thomas — but the time and effort that these Saints have put in has finally culminated in a moment that will put the final piece of the city's heart back in place. And provided that God isn't busy attending one of Tony Robbins' motivational lectures out at the airport Hilton like he was when Katrina landed, New Orleans will finally get its hands on Vince Lombardi's trophy.

The Indianapolis Colts can have all the poorly ranked, rogue wide receivers that they want, but when they're losing by 56 points with two minutes left and they need some divine intervention, is Samuel Giguere going to snap his fingers and make that deficit go away? No way, José.