The Vexed Vagina: Boobs Are People, Too

Welcome to The Vexed Vagina, the women’s corner of The Gateway!

Typical of the roots of the women’s movement, I am a heterosexual, middle-class, blonde and blue-eyed female. As stereotypical and uninteresting as I may sound, I hope this blog enlightens you on current issues of feminism beyond bra burning. And if you have a question — or on the off-chance I offend you with my outlandish ideas of equality — I’d love to hear your point of view. I think.

In any case, since October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I figured it’s only fitting to write a piece honouring boobs.

It seems since the beginning of time, breasts have been the objects of fascination among men. I dare you to ask any man (besides your relatives, that’s getting freaky) what the first thing he’d do as a woman. I’ve counted nine times out of 10, they’ll agree that playing with “their” boobs would be top priority. Getting free drinks is a close second. Interesting, isn’t it?

Perhaps a variation of Freud’s penis-envy can be applied to this (go here if you aren’t fortunate enough to be familiar with this fabulous theory), which I’ll call boob envy. Boob envy creates a complex in men (much like penis envy) that leads them to ask themselves why they lack such magnificent appendages.

This has led men to control these alien anatomical additions in all possible ways, so they can comprehend boobs in their own terms. Bras and corsets are obvious examples, but “boob fucking” is also a form of domination. This purely sexual perception that men apply to boobs (and women in general) makes it possible for men to not view women as a threat. 

On the flip side, when women use their breasts for their biological purpose, women are often scrutinized for being inappropriate. The usefulness of breasts is often forgotten. They are misconstrued as merely an instrument of sexual pleasure, and it seems when women utilize their breasts for someone other than their husband/boyfriend/partner, they take offence — as if they’ve somehow conquered our breasts, planted a flag and now have immigration laws for who can enter the sacred temple of Boob. Breastfeeding essentially violates men’s greedy outlook on boobs. 

Take a few minutes to relish in the ignorance of this story about students seeing a professor breast-feeding, although I’m sure seeing Megan Fox topless wouldn’t have been an issue.

This professor was in an emergency situation — her infant who normally attends day care was not permitted to do so that day due to a fever. Not wanting to cancel the first day of a 75-minute class, she did what she had to do. When a working woman successfully balances her career and family, she is labeled a “radical feminist,” not a talented, multitasking woman, reinforcing society’s ideal of a woman’s place being with her children at home.

Breastfeeding shouldn’t be an international news story and women breastfeeding their babies certainly shouldn’t be herded into a corner (cue Dirty Dancing theme song). Perhaps because breastfeeding isn’t sexual, men don’t know how to cope with it. Their boob envy is in combat with their indoctrinated role of Provider. These critics often forget that that is probably how they were fed as babies; you don’t (usually) see men eating dinner facing a wall, so why make women ashamed of giving the future generation proper nutrition? They should be high-fiving these women for increasing their babies’ IQs by 6 points.

So, ladies, I think it’s time to reclaim our boobs! Be proud to be a woman and become the mistress of your own anatomy!

Until next time,

The Vexed Vagina

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