Super Bowl ads could just be the highlight of the night

Feb 01, 2012

Predicting the future is dangerous business. A Super Bowl commercial from couple of years ago played on just this concept. Two guys were talking at work, and one of them had a snowglobe he claimed was in fact a crystal ball. He used it to ask whether there would be free Doritos at work that day. He then proceeds to throw the globe at the vending machine, thus smashing the glass and fulfilling his predicition. It all ends well for him. When the guy’s colleague tries to see if he will get a promotion at work, he ends up throwing the globe and hitting his boss in a particular area, ensuring he won’t be getting a promotion.

A woman dressed in a white tank top and red shorts sprints through a tunnel carrying a hammer while police officers chase her. She reaches a large screen bearing the image of Big Brother and hurls her hammer towards it. The screen flashes, and is followed by an ominous voiceover: “You’ll see why 1984 won’t be like 1984.”

Simple, chilling, and incredibly effective, Apple’s legendary 1984 commercial introduced the company’s first ever Macintosh computer with the same type of buzz it would enjoy 25 years later. Combining an unforgettable artistic vision with a powerful consumer impact, the commercial rightfully deserves its place in the all-time greatest Super Bowl commercials hall of fame.

Terry Tate tackling nerdy office workers from 2003 is my favourite Super Bowl ad. It’s a Reebok commercial, but all I remember is a guy playing solitaire on his computer, winning, standing up and doing a little cheer, followed by wham! Totally plowed into by Tate who comes flying out of nowhere. I still laugh every time I watch it online. People getting tackled is so funny. Kind of makes me think about who I’d tackle if I had my own portable linebacker. Slow walkers, creepy guys and of course anyone doing any kind of victory dance anywhere and for any reason.

In 2005, Fed-Ex Kinkos let the cat out of the bag. With their illustrious Super Bowl advertisement they quantifiably declared that there are exactly 10 elements that make a commercial on the first Sunday in February a valiant
victory.

The strangest thing about these commercials is that it’s strangely accurate. I do love when celebrities appear in commercials. I do love it when an adorable yet menacing animal kicks that celebrity in the groin. And I love it even more when that groin kick is dubbed with Journey’s famous power-pop jam “Don’t Stop Believing” playing in the background.

Oh dear God, they’ve done it! They’ve actually created a something that appeals to every ounce of my manly/childish/irreverent/music-loving/animal-loving raison-d’etre.

In my pre-couch surfing, Tim Hortons’ eating days, I used to be ripped like Tony Horton. Well, okay, so I was a relatively skinny kid. But somewhere along the way something went wrong and I blame it all on Doritos for making junk food look irresistible — even cool. For the few that aren’t aware, Doritos has a long and proud tradition of creating fantastic Super Bowl ads, thereby encouraging unhealthy addictions worldwide.

Last year an overweight pug bowled down both kitchen door and man to get to his Doritos. In another, a Doritoholic licks the crumbs off of other food-lovers, even ripping the cheese-stained pants off a chunky male figure in the ad’s final scene. I only buy the snack to get to the bottom of the bag but I could be well on my way to being that crumb-licking man.

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